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Looking for AuDHD insight to help son please

Loz

I’m trying to support son (11) as much as I can. I’ve been communicating with his school and reaching out for external support, but a lot of it is a waiting game at the moment.

He was only diagnosed at the end of August, and he’s really struggling with it - not because he doesn’t believe it, but because he’s scared of being seen as different. Because of that, he doesn’t want to accept help, even when he’s finding things really hard.

Right now our biggest challenges are:

• getting into school (secondary)

• settling at bedtime

I’ve been trying different strategies at home — reducing demands, simplifying routines, giving him choices, offering quiet decompression time, and trying to keep transitions as gentle as possible. Some things help on certain days, but nothing consistently.

I’d really appreciate hearing from people with AuDHD themselves:

What actually helped you with school attendance, transitions, or winding down at night - especially if you struggled with accepting help or feeling different?

I want to understand things from his perspective so I can support him better while we wait for professional input. I love him very much and I will do anything in my power to ensure he is happy and healthy. He is a bright boy and his national test results have always been "off the charts".

Thank you in advance!

Loz Cat

Parents

  • This article has some good tips on helping with the bedtime adjustment for AuDHD children:

    https://blog.howtohelpmychild.com/bedtime-routine/

    The routine helps with many of the autistic traits and the chill time in the run-up to bed helps with the ADHD traits. It will need to be tuned to your childs specific blend of traits and needs but the general theory is sound.

    Maybe consider is some physical exercise would help in the evenings as a way of burining off energy if he is too animated, but it would need to be a routine as well and not just cancelled because it is cold / wet / windy outside. Have a think what could work or come back and ask here with some more info on your circumstances and we may be able to offer ideas.

    Loz said:
    He was only diagnosed at the end of August, and he’s really struggling with it

    This article explains some options better than I can:

    https://researchautism.org/oaracle-newsletter/helping-your-child-accept-their-autism-diagnosis/

    I would also ask the schools SENCO to have a meeting with you to discuss the issues and see what they have to offer in the way of help. It may be that they are pretty clueless in which case changing school is a logical option, so long as the other school has a more capable SENCO.

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  • This article has some good tips on helping with the bedtime adjustment for AuDHD children:

    https://blog.howtohelpmychild.com/bedtime-routine/

    The routine helps with many of the autistic traits and the chill time in the run-up to bed helps with the ADHD traits. It will need to be tuned to your childs specific blend of traits and needs but the general theory is sound.

    Maybe consider is some physical exercise would help in the evenings as a way of burining off energy if he is too animated, but it would need to be a routine as well and not just cancelled because it is cold / wet / windy outside. Have a think what could work or come back and ask here with some more info on your circumstances and we may be able to offer ideas.

    Loz said:
    He was only diagnosed at the end of August, and he’s really struggling with it

    This article explains some options better than I can:

    https://researchautism.org/oaracle-newsletter/helping-your-child-accept-their-autism-diagnosis/

    I would also ask the schools SENCO to have a meeting with you to discuss the issues and see what they have to offer in the way of help. It may be that they are pretty clueless in which case changing school is a logical option, so long as the other school has a more capable SENCO.

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