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Adult Son Has Cut All Contact

Paulapaw56

My first post and alas not a happy one.

My adult son is 31 and has lived in supported accomodation since 2020.These past two years have been a nightmare,it's a long complicated story but if I can sum it up it's basically him giving his money away to online girlfriends /scammers ,that he never meets or sees.The social worker ,police and his care team have been powerless to stop him as he has controll over his own money and despite constant assessments he is classed has having capacity.Ive tried to gently explain they're not girlfriends ,but this just causes him to cut contact with me often for months on end,then he'll get back in contact we never speak of it again untill the next time it happens.

This has been a continuing cycle since he left home four years ago ,and it's been so upsetting and so stressful because  you're powerless.He comes from a loving family ,grandparents,sister,niece,dad but he's basically alienated everyone and has no contact with them.Ive hung in there trying to keep him in the family ,desperate for him to understand we care for him but to no avail.

Now it's all come to a head and he's not been in contact and I've not been able to contact him since June.Ive tried and tried but get nothing.

At the end of my tether after five years of this awfull merry go round I too have decided I want no further involvement with my son....I'm not a bad mother,I gave 28 years of my life to him ,I never worked ,I did everything in my power so that he reached a stage where he could if wanted live as independently as he was able....to just be treat terribly .I feel he doesn't and has never loved or cared for me,his dad or sister ,he doesn't give a hoot about anyone at all.

I hope no one else is in a similar position but if anyone's gone through something similar does it get easier,do you ever forget you've a child out there that wants nothing to do with you even though you gave everything to them.

Thanks for reading 

Parents
  • Paulapaw56 said:
    At the end of my tether after five years of this awfull merry go round I too have decided I want no further involvement with my son

    You have done all you can to be supportive and offering help / advice but you have to accept that he has got to the stage where he does not want you directing him any more. This happens with many children when they "fly the nest" and it can be important for them to make their own decisions and make their own failures.

    I think that so long as you can let them know you are still there to offer love and support then it is all you can reasonably do. If their choice is to isolate themselves from you then that too is a choice you can respect.

    Maybe write to them, tell them you accept their choices and that you are still there for them if they want to talk. Beyone that I think it best to follow their wishes and leave them alone.

    Have you looked for support for yourself? A therapist can be a great way to talk these things over with and get to see the bigger picture while developing techniques to cope better with them.

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  • Paulapaw56 said:
    At the end of my tether after five years of this awfull merry go round I too have decided I want no further involvement with my son

    You have done all you can to be supportive and offering help / advice but you have to accept that he has got to the stage where he does not want you directing him any more. This happens with many children when they "fly the nest" and it can be important for them to make their own decisions and make their own failures.

    I think that so long as you can let them know you are still there to offer love and support then it is all you can reasonably do. If their choice is to isolate themselves from you then that too is a choice you can respect.

    Maybe write to them, tell them you accept their choices and that you are still there for them if they want to talk. Beyone that I think it best to follow their wishes and leave them alone.

    Have you looked for support for yourself? A therapist can be a great way to talk these things over with and get to see the bigger picture while developing techniques to cope better with them.

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