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Autism - children

Ajay

I have a 5 year old daughter who has severe autism. She's been nonverbal until recently and is slowly learning to mimic words and has started saying mummy and Daddy. Myself and mum are separated with shared care. I'm wondering if anyone has advice on how to get her to become more comfortable while at mine, she is very much a mummys girl as she was only able to do part hours at school due to her complexities which means she has spent the majority of her time with mum. When she comes to mine we will play for 30-40mins and then she has a meltdown that can range from 15m up to 1 hour. No matter what I do she doesn't calm down and can become violent. We did recently move which could be her being uncomfortable in the new surroundings, but any advice anyone can give would be appreciated. 

Thanks 

  • Hello Ajay, it sounds like your daughter may be suffering from the changes in routine as these are known to be stressers for some autists.

    There is some advice on meltdowns here:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/meltdowns

    A good article on the issues around change of routine is here:

    https://www.simplypsychology.org/autism-changes-in-routine.html

    I would think that having a regular time for her to come to you (eg every weekend) plus having your partner prepare her for it (eg reminding her the day before, asking her what she wants to do when she goes there etc) and having some familiar things that she loves at your house is the best way to make it less challenging for her.

    If you can get her to come to your place and go straight into an activity that soothes her then this should help set the tone for the rest of your ime together. Keeping the energy calm and giving her space can help but it sounds like she is very close to your ex which will make the transition stressful anyway.

    Perhaps your ex could come over initially to ease your daughter into the visit, at least for a few times until the pattern becomes established.

  • That sounds really tough. My daughter is 8 and autistic and at the height of her hardest meltdowns, all i could do was put on an episode of her favourite tv show. Not at all perfect i know, but the distraction seemed to work well, especially if i sat next to her watching it. Sometimes we only needed to have it on for 5 minutes, that would be enough to get her to a more regulated place. Even though play is great, it can be quite demanding and lead to sensory overload, so finding whatever it is that helps her regulate I’d say is key - tv, iPad, spinny chair, crunchy crisps, those are sometimes what works for us.