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Supporting our 8 year old to feel safe.

KHinder

Hi, I'm just wondering if anyone can offer some reassurance or guidance or maybe just some kindness would do.

Our 8 year old (not yet diagnosed but going through assessment currently) never feels safe, he doesn't like to be left downstairs if we're upstairs, he can't go to the toilet alone without knowing we're stood outside and still wakes in the night asking for me (mum).

Within the last week this has completely amplified, he needs to be by our side constantly and now at bed time will not settle unless knowing I'll sleep in with him.

Has anyone else experienced this or can suggest ways to allow him to feel more safe and secure? He's unable to voice what it is he's afraid of and likely doesn't know fully himself, I sense it's more of feeling.

It's breaking my heart seeing our little boy so frightened and equally it can be very claustrophobic having no time to myself even to go to the toilet.

  • Children often can't verbalise things, but often they can draw them and answer questions about the drawing or draw another to go with it, maybe asking him to draw his fears may give you an insight? Just don't put words in his mouth, like saying that looks like a happy picture or a sad one.

  • My son was very much like this. He's 19 now but few years ago was diagnosed with orthostatic hypotension/vasovagal syncope. Think he'd always been that way so made perfect sense why he was clingy but couldn't explain how he felt. Were some other signs though, like struggling to queue, stand still etc. Not saying it's the same for your son but just don't presume it's part of his autism. Wish we'd known sooner as would have been better supported. Some at school were awful and was always classed as non compliance when he refused to queue etc and also blamed me for him being clingy with me. Looking back he only bonded with people he trusted, which makes perfect sense once you know. It could just be anxiety but it best to just be aware of any other signs of anything else. I do remember how difficult it was, i had to be in his sight all the time so i completely understand how you are feeling.