Hello, this is my first time posting. I have a 3.5 year old who doesn't understand that he needs to hold my hand when we are walking. He just wants to run or refuses to walk beside me. He has a speech delay so I'm not sure how to help him understand Road safety rules. Amy suggestions would be most appreciated.
Hello Tina_85, welcome to the community.
This article about road safety includes suggestions and resources:
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/transport/road-safety/parents-and-carers
Something which sounds odd but we used to use with ny younger sibling at a similar age to your child: the joint carty shopping bag. From a sensory perspective my sibling genuinely didn't like the holding hands action - but they would more happily help carry the shopping bag. This is my handle, that is your handle. This technique tended to work quite well in familiar places. On the outbound walk to the shops the shopping bag might contain the favoured plush toy "we are taking "toy's name" shopping.
If we were going somewhere new, ir a bit exciting like a fete - my mum used to use a shopping trolley and each child on either side of the trolley had a designated place on the trolley frame where they had to hold on as we walked along. This meant you weren't holding an adults hand and you still had one of your arms free to carry a plush toy, to fidget, or to wave towards interesting things you wanted your parent to notice.
However, in more dangerous situations, such as an unfamiliar town or city it could be more difficult - so many new noises, unfamiliar distractions and route options - would risk my sibling without warning dart of towards the traffic (moving thing: rather irresistible). Sometimes taken a short bus journey was a better suggestion packed with familiar stage routines (a bit of a familiar running commentary): we are in the bus queue so we can count the number of people, we are getting on the bus so we can wave "hello" to the bus driver, mummy needs to buy a bus ticket so you can give the coins to the bus driver, we are on the bus now so we can play "first one to see ...". And so on - short familiar drills that encouraged participation to stave iff boredom / urge for darting off towards distractions and help to make the unfamiliar place feel a bit similar to things we have done before.
That said, all children can have their challenge days where the best planned parenting techniques just don't land as well as usual (tired, breakfast had been a battle, coming down with a cold etc.). On those days a "plan b" for safety's sake was sometimes necessary. It was not uncommon when we were children to see a young child wearing a torso harness with handle held by a mum - known to many families at the time as "reins". Shops like Boots and Mothercare used to stock the toddler harness. This provided a degree of autonomy for the child without having to hold an adults hand - but prevented a sudden irresistible urge to dart into traffic in busy city roads / dash towards an unfamiliar and exciting object in a busy department store - the escalator is moving etc. The harness was never associated with a reprimand or punishment - rather, it was introduced as enabling something extra to just doing the shopping. We put on our coat so we can enjoy being outside and we wear our reins so we can visit all the different animals at the pet shop etc.
The harnesses are still available today at places online like Boots, Argos, Amazon, Asda and John Lewis stock one with lots of favourable reviews (sometimes on their own, or asca little set with a wrist-to-wrist strap, or with an optional little animal face backpack which can clip on the harness. The idea is to enable safety in a tricky situation - maybe on a steep slope / staircase / unfamiliar environment with lots of strangers or dangerous fascinating distractions - not to discipline the child but to reinforce learning a new safety routine in a difficult setting.
Sometimes a young child will respond well to having a legitimate helping mummy task when we are out shopping. My mum often used a large whicker shopping basket e.g. when we visited an open air weekly market in a nearby town - so many people and things and ...everything! Cue: the smaller child-size whicker basket "to put the delicate fruit and vegetables - so they don't get squashed in the big basket with all the heavy things". Toddler now has an important job with their personal shopping basket looking after a brown paper bag of mushrooms (the child likes mushrooms on toast,), or a punnet of fruit (more accompanying chit-chat about all the favourite options about how we are going to share the fruit with daddy when he gets home from work), or a treat item to share with a loved one or elderly neighbour (Mr so-and-so likes walnuts too - you can show him how you kept them save all the way through the market - how many of those nuts do you think we can each eat with our milk when visit Mr so-and-so this afternoon?. You help mummy by concentrating on safely carrying this item now ...and next we will be able to enjoy some fun thing with what you kindly carried safely in your little basket. (Mum periodically makes a game out of - at intervals through the market - sets her heavy basket down with the root vegetables etc gradually being added as different stalls are visited as per the shopping list and invites the child to see if they are still able to have a go picking up the weight in mummy's basket (my basket is heavy, your basket is lighter, feel how much you are helping mummy with the shopping by carrying those nice things in your little basket). Having a particularly tricky day (this shopping needs doing but child is exhausted before the start of the market trip)? It is OK today for your plush toy to have a ride sitting in your little basket as we look at all the things we need to choose on the market stall today. The act of carrying something (with purpose) helps to reinforce how we all need to behave and play our role when shop at the open sir market.
Apologies for the late reply. thank you so much for the delayed response and all the great ideas. Will be sure to have a go with all of these and see which ones work best. you have been such a massive help.
Apologies for the late reply. thank you so much for the delayed response and all the great ideas. Will be sure to have a go with all of these and see which ones work best. you have been such a massive help.
