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11 Year Old Son's Transition To Secondary School

Dadbod
Please could we have some advice re my son and secondary school.
My son is 11 years old and has a diagnosis of autism and separation anxiety disorder. He started secondary school last week but only managed the first day. We realise now that he did this because it was only year 7's in that day.
He is too anxious to attend since, missing the first week. 
It's a big school, with1300 pupils, my husband and myself had serious doubts about our son's ability to attend this school but he was adamant he wanted to go, as all his year from primary were going there.
We have tried gently encouraging and being more assertive but he just can't do it. I don't want too push too hard because last year he stopped attending primary school for a term due to anxiety, and it was an awful time, he was so low in mood and developed a tic due to the stress . The only thing that got him to attend school again was a very gradual return, where he felt he had some control. 
Anyway I had a very unhelpful phone call with the secondary school, where they said you just need to bring him in, kicking and screaming if necessary. I told them I wouldn't be doing this and that a psychologist has advised us not to do this. I explained what he needs is a gradual return, reduced timetable.
The situation is complicated because even though the primary school finished the paperwork for his EHCP in June, we have just been told it was only received by the local authority last week. This means that it could be months till we have any information re this.
We have a meeting with the School on Tuesday, what are our options? If we remove him from the school,  can I home school until we have an EHCP and can get him into our desired school? Or if he has 15 days off school are the Local Authority forced to home tutor him? Any advice would be so appreciated, we are lost.

  • Hello  ,

    Thank you for sharing this with the Community. I am sorry to here that you have experienced difficulty with getting your son into school recently. You may find it useful to have a look at our information on schooling, which includes advice around educational choices and what to do if your child won't attend school: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/school-education

    I hope this helps,

    ChloeMod

  • Felt i had to reply although nothing to do with schooling as your son sounds very similar to mine and has been recently diagnosed with autonomic dysfunction with blood pressure. Please if he will let you check him for POTS/orthostatic hypotension, easy to do with a standard blood pressure monitor and oximeter. Check from laying/sitting to standing. It's more common with those on the spectrum but not shouted about, presents as high anxiety. Was treat as behaviour problem with my son for years as were many refusals. He too has the separation anxiety and tics when stressed or tired. Really wish we had known sooner, it might not be but worth a check.

  • You can certainly remove him from school and home school him. It may take you a long time to get him into the school you would like though.

    Getting home tutoring from the LA can be difficult. I don't know whether there is actually a rule of when it should be provided but I can guarantee you wouldn't be seeing in 15 days. There are kids that are out of school for much longer than that. But it is something you can push for.

    I would make sure the school are putting it down as illness for the absence. It is a mental health condition which is an illness. 

    You are right to stand your ground about forcing him in. Forcing just increases anxiety and will likely set him up to fail. A gradual approach sounds like a much better plan.