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I'm frustrated!!

KittyKat

It's hard to know where to start! My son is almost 3 and has been diagnosed with autism - they're not sure what kind yet as his development is significantly delayed (alomost half of what it should be) so it's hard for them to assess him properly.

I'm frustrated because I feel like I'm surrounded by people who are (to some extent) supportive (although this very rarely translates into any practical help) but that whenever I have a day (like today!) were I'm just sad about his diagnosis, that I come in for a load of flack about how I should get over it and be happy that I have a healthy baby and that given a few years he'll be fine and if I just stopped comparing him to his sister (which I'd like to say I don't!) I'd be much happier.

Why does everyone around me seem to feel that it's such a terrible crime for me just to want to feel sad about it for a little while before I pull myself together (also everyone's advice!!) and carry on?

I suppose all I want is for someone to give me a hug, say "it's fine - have a good cry, feel sad and then get cracking again" - it's not a lot to ask for is it?

Parents

  • Hi KittyKat,

    I'm really sorry that people are giving you such a hard time.  I'm sorry to say that they just don't understand how you feel, nobody can unless they have had a child diagnosed with a life long condition.  I just wanted to say that you have to have days when you feel really sad about the diagnosis, it's part of adjusting and accepting it. 

    When my eldest son was diagnosed at three I was e-mailed a story describing the diagnosis as a holiday where you were expecting to go to Paris and had planned trips etc., whilst you were there, only to get off the plane and find you were in Amsterdam, another very nice place but not where you planned to go.  To this day that is how it feels for me.  Life is very different but it's great most of the time.

    I always find the "pull yourself together" and "it could be worse" the hardest advice to take, because they have no idea what my life is like and how hard it can be just to keep going.

    Now, I ignore advice which isn't helpful and when everything is getting too much I give myself a treat, even if it's just five minutes with a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit, you have to value yourself otherwise you run out of energy and can't help your child. 

    Hope this helps,

    Take care.

     

Reply

  • Hi KittyKat,

    I'm really sorry that people are giving you such a hard time.  I'm sorry to say that they just don't understand how you feel, nobody can unless they have had a child diagnosed with a life long condition.  I just wanted to say that you have to have days when you feel really sad about the diagnosis, it's part of adjusting and accepting it. 

    When my eldest son was diagnosed at three I was e-mailed a story describing the diagnosis as a holiday where you were expecting to go to Paris and had planned trips etc., whilst you were there, only to get off the plane and find you were in Amsterdam, another very nice place but not where you planned to go.  To this day that is how it feels for me.  Life is very different but it's great most of the time.

    I always find the "pull yourself together" and "it could be worse" the hardest advice to take, because they have no idea what my life is like and how hard it can be just to keep going.

    Now, I ignore advice which isn't helpful and when everything is getting too much I give myself a treat, even if it's just five minutes with a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit, you have to value yourself otherwise you run out of energy and can't help your child. 

    Hope this helps,

    Take care.

     

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