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in need of some advice.

jrandall10

Hello everyone. I am in need of some help. Our daughter Dm is six, she had asd and spd. I am constantly battling with myself and my hubby that we don't do do what's best for Dm and just live life normally and expect her to fit in but then when she gets wound up we discipline her. I have to know is there a best way of coping and dealing with these things. Dm is very demanding on me when I am at home and I struggle cause I work also. We don't get any professional support and Dm holds it together all day at school so they don't see any issues.

So these are Dm's every day issues that I worry about. I may be being thick but I am not sure how to help her with them apart from the obvious sensory issues. Any advice will be gratefully received

New issues that we are just noticing 

Talking to random objects, Hitting herself more, Random chattering Advertisement, hates them

Old issues that she has had from day one. 

Transition, Having hair brushed, Nails cut, Routine change, School being different, Waiting, Can't cope with constant demand from other children, Doesn't understand why she can't do stuff, Don't too much in one day, Anxiety over build up to school, Routine being the same in the hols, Says things to get a reaction, Hits sometimes, Not bothered about visuals except rewards, Un sociable behaviour, Doesn't stay on an activity for very long, Doesn't play much but is obsessed with collecting things. 

Thanks to anyone who can offer some help xxxx

Parents

  • Dear jrandall10,

    Even though my son had a good transition to school, he behave nearly the same, when I've tried to increase the ammount of hours he was spending there (we started with 9am to 12:45pm and I wanted to increase till 1:30pm): was holding his emotions and fears inside, whilst at school - then hurting himself, shouting and being angry on me, hitting and pushing me...in the end of the week having his "long day" at school he was unable to control his emotions - was running out, clapping the doors, even pushing kids away. So we came back to the shortest day, organised a "quiet area" for him, where he could go to calm down; he wasn't on the play ground with other kids - but used another with his TA...his behaviour improved. I've also gone to the local NAS course for parents of autistic children and read huge ammount of books about ABA, managing behaviour, sensory issues and adaptations...all of that was very helpful.

     But now I've recognised he becomes more sensitive to the noise and now he is telling me he doesn't want to do to school anymore, so I'm thinking about changing school to the special one...

     For me it looks like Your girl is just having too much things happening around and it makes her feel emotionally overloaded very fast...You can be really proud of she is "relaxing on You" - it means You are the trusted person she feels safe to show her inside world.

     

     But...Applied Behaviour Analysis methods would not work if child is not feeling safe and comfortable...so first step is to inprove surrounding - then to work on behaviour. You need to talk about all the difficulties to head teacher, school teacher, TA, Child In Need support team member from Your local authority and Educational Psychologist - about Your child needs, if they can be met in current school, what to do for that, if You child is having good relationships with TA, Class Teacher and classmates - it's all important. I wrote a large letter for an attention of everyone at our school about who my child is, what is Autism, what are my son's scares, issues, favourite things, etc. - cause when I was called to come and see head teacher after my son not behaved well one day - I've realised taht school personned do not know much about what ASD is (even though TA had a training and was the only person "in theme" - she also needed to know my child better as all kids are different) and how to deal with it, especially when Assesment for SEN is not done yet and there are no instructions on what to do. And Educational Psychologist is far not often there to help - as she travelling between schools and roughly seen my child two times for about 20 minutes - so knows not much about him too.

     Don't be afraid - talk to everyone and seek for help...it's You child - I think nobody feels what she need better, than You.

     Also, You could contact Your local NAS - they might have same course I've attended.

    Wish You all the best!

Reply

  • Dear jrandall10,

    Even though my son had a good transition to school, he behave nearly the same, when I've tried to increase the ammount of hours he was spending there (we started with 9am to 12:45pm and I wanted to increase till 1:30pm): was holding his emotions and fears inside, whilst at school - then hurting himself, shouting and being angry on me, hitting and pushing me...in the end of the week having his "long day" at school he was unable to control his emotions - was running out, clapping the doors, even pushing kids away. So we came back to the shortest day, organised a "quiet area" for him, where he could go to calm down; he wasn't on the play ground with other kids - but used another with his TA...his behaviour improved. I've also gone to the local NAS course for parents of autistic children and read huge ammount of books about ABA, managing behaviour, sensory issues and adaptations...all of that was very helpful.

     But now I've recognised he becomes more sensitive to the noise and now he is telling me he doesn't want to do to school anymore, so I'm thinking about changing school to the special one...

     For me it looks like Your girl is just having too much things happening around and it makes her feel emotionally overloaded very fast...You can be really proud of she is "relaxing on You" - it means You are the trusted person she feels safe to show her inside world.

     

     But...Applied Behaviour Analysis methods would not work if child is not feeling safe and comfortable...so first step is to inprove surrounding - then to work on behaviour. You need to talk about all the difficulties to head teacher, school teacher, TA, Child In Need support team member from Your local authority and Educational Psychologist - about Your child needs, if they can be met in current school, what to do for that, if You child is having good relationships with TA, Class Teacher and classmates - it's all important. I wrote a large letter for an attention of everyone at our school about who my child is, what is Autism, what are my son's scares, issues, favourite things, etc. - cause when I was called to come and see head teacher after my son not behaved well one day - I've realised taht school personned do not know much about what ASD is (even though TA had a training and was the only person "in theme" - she also needed to know my child better as all kids are different) and how to deal with it, especially when Assesment for SEN is not done yet and there are no instructions on what to do. And Educational Psychologist is far not often there to help - as she travelling between schools and roughly seen my child two times for about 20 minutes - so knows not much about him too.

     Don't be afraid - talk to everyone and seek for help...it's You child - I think nobody feels what she need better, than You.

     Also, You could contact Your local NAS - they might have same course I've attended.

    Wish You all the best!

Children
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