Looking for support for my autistic 7 year old girl.

Hi, I am new here. In fact, my daughter has just been diagnosed wth Autism so it's all feeling very new, raw and real. I guess I suspected it but the diagnosis has hit a bit harder than I imagined. I thought I would have been relieved and empowered, and I am... But also sad and angry than she has to walk this path and fearful of the challenges she might face. It's been a hard day with her so I'm probably speaking out of emotion. Anyone else feel this after diagnosis? 

Anyway, the real reason I am posting is... She struggles socially. She's very confident and chatty but doesn't reciprocate in conversation. Doesn't ask questions, can steamrole her views,stories etc through, can become frustrated if someone has a differing opinion and when she is told off for something she flies off the handle at the injustice of it. For example today she blew in someone's face. They did it back, she did it back and got told off by the gymnastics instructor. She ran away shouting in rage because they did it to her, even though she started it. Then in the car I talked about that and another incident where she was throwing these foam things at people. Instead of accepting she'd done wrong, she said 'well they weren't sad about it so it's fine'. But it's not, it's not respectful or what the teacher was saying to do. Anyway... Apart from lots and lots of discussions are there any professional services I can access that can teach her somr of these life skills? I feel so out of my depth and overwhelmed and want to help her learn these skills. I also think hearing it from someone else's other than us is a good idea. 

  • Hello there Char18,

    You’re not alone. I have a daughter age 7 who has ASD/ADHD. I felt particularly empowered when we got the diagnosis because we had people (primarily family) that was judging us for being terrible parents, when in reality we were doing the best we could. The two examples you gave of your daughter’s behaviors sound exactly like the type of shenanigans our daughter would get into. She’s pretty decent at communicating, though following instructions, giving full attention, and volume control are three things she really struggles with. Communicating her feelings often involves screaming at the top of her lungs. She also has no sense of “stranger danger,” especially with dogs (which scares me so much).

    On the bright side she is very smart, has a great singing voice, and has a vivid imagination. She makes friends just about everywhere effortlessly, which seems pretty rare considering what I’ve heard about other Autistics’ childhoods (mine included). 

    However in terms of professional help, I’m not sure I can offer much as I’m from the States. I did read a book called “Raising an Autistic Girl” by Taylor Eberstadt, which was a decent overview of ways you can help your daughter. I’m also currently reading “Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome in Children” by Phil Christie et al, since my daughter has specifically PDA Autism. My personal favorite book - which is designed more for adults but some of it can be utilized for children - is “Self-Care for Autistic People” by Dr. Megan Anna Neff.

    Hopefully even knowing that you’re not the only one helps a little. I am wishing you and your family the best.

  • Good morning Char18_

    Thank you for your post. On the NAS website we have an advice and guidance section which may offer some help. Other members may also offer some further advice. 

    We have a section here on "After Diagnosis"

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/after-diagnosis

    Here is some advice on Behaviour:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour

    We also have a directory which may be useful to see if there is anything that may help in your local area. 

    https://www.autism.org.uk/autism-services-directory

    I would also recommend talking to your daughter's school SENCo. They will also be able to talk to you about any courses or groups in your local area. 

    I really hope you find something useful in the above.

    With best wishes, 

    Anna Mod