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Advice please

NAS96278

Hi could anybody just point me in the right direction my  daughter is divorced and she has a little girl 6yrs old we do not reward bad behaviour the problem we have is that when she stays at her dad’s for a weekend or any other times ie day visit she comes home and has these terrible meltdowns and her behaviour if she can’t have what she wants is absolutely horrible 

the reason behind this is that her dad can’t cope with her meltdown or just bad behaviour and he rewards this by letting her go swimming then letting her go to Pizza Hut after demanding he takes her 

He has been told about this and my daughter has followed this up by texting him  to ensure she has proof of the conversation they are going to mediation soon and we are not sure if this will be taken in to consideration 

And before anyone comments that she should see her dad I can tell you that there is no intention of keep her from seeing’s dad  

any construed advice would be good. It’s a awful situation 

Parents

  • That all sounds like a really distressing situation for everyone involved.  I am sorry you are struggling with this at the moment.  I may not have "the answer" but I wanted to share some thoughts.

    The difference between a bad behaviour tantrum and an Autistic sensory overwhelm meltdown can be quite a fine line.  The added challenge is that a child can sometimes start off displaying more like a tantrum communication - in which they then get so caught up in it all that they may then move through into a meltdown.

    It is important to help everyone involved in caregiving to the child, whatever the setting, to know the difference between bad behaviour tantrum and Autistic sensory meltdown, plus how to early detect both and what do to avoid or manage both scenarios.

    The National Autistic Society about Autistic meltdowns covers this specialist subject in detail:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/meltdowns/all-audiences

    I have also attached an image which I have found helpful to keep in mind.

Reply

  • That all sounds like a really distressing situation for everyone involved.  I am sorry you are struggling with this at the moment.  I may not have "the answer" but I wanted to share some thoughts.

    The difference between a bad behaviour tantrum and an Autistic sensory overwhelm meltdown can be quite a fine line.  The added challenge is that a child can sometimes start off displaying more like a tantrum communication - in which they then get so caught up in it all that they may then move through into a meltdown.

    It is important to help everyone involved in caregiving to the child, whatever the setting, to know the difference between bad behaviour tantrum and Autistic sensory meltdown, plus how to early detect both and what do to avoid or manage both scenarios.

    The National Autistic Society about Autistic meltdowns covers this specialist subject in detail:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/meltdowns/all-audiences

    I have also attached an image which I have found helpful to keep in mind.

Children
  • in reply to DormouseAtRest_25

    Thanks for your reply the problem is her dad can’t cope with her so he lets her have her own way  he doesn’t cook doesn’t know how to cook  he’s not good at looking after her welfare needs let’s her play on his PC on unsuitable games that are not age appropriate she falls asleep on his settee because he’s to busy playing games 

    She’s come home and said she didn’t want mummy to die  just don’t want her staying there not trying to stop any form of contact  Probably just. days out  there is a lot more to this 

    who takes a child out in the pouring rain because she won’t wear a coat  what father would want to collect their child at 9.30pm