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i need help with my 24 year old nephew

uncle

basiclly my nephew has lived so far with each uncle and aunt and grandparent over the past 6 years and bouts of living with friends. and now hes here with me the last stop i have identified why each living arrangement failed Basically, the friends treated him like a servant, and the family babied him. If he is to live independently, which is what he wants, he needs to have some basic life skills which frankly he doesnt have, he wants to work but struggles with authorities he has no real concept of social cues. 

this is where i am at a loss, i do believe that with the right guidence he could live well and independantly the big development is his dog called cassie in all these years i have never seen him emotionally connect with anyone then he met apuppy called cassie and he adores her dots on her walks her feeds her got her all her injections chipped  is fussy about what food she has and he did it all without being asked or told to hes  got her almost 80% housetrained taught her to sit give paw. this is amazing for stephen  but i want to get him independant living on his own working  living a life i know he can  but i need guidance on how to guide him. 

Parents
  • uncle said:
    i want to get him independant living on his own working  living a life i know he can

    There will be several things needed to achieve this 

    1 - Finances. He will need to be able to pay for wherever he stays so does he have any income?

    2 - Life skills. He lacks these at present so how will you train him?

    3 - Support. He will probably need someone to give advice now and then, he help him do things he cannot do on his own (eg get a prescription when he is ill). Does this exist and will it continue to exist when you pass away.

    The life skills seem a logical place to start.

    Does there exist an adult role model he looks up to in the family who could be persuaded to impart these skills?

    I would imagine you need to draw up a list of the subjects to cover and build it into sort of a manual so he can look back on it when needed.

    I imagine he will need some hand holding to get his social skills polished but they will probably never be great. A combination of a counseller  therapist and the mentor is probable the best way to work on this and improve with practice, but remember he probably won't be able to manage too much socialising.

    Local autism groups may also be a good way to get some extra support and socialising experience.

    As for finances, does he have much in the way of benefits? There is a section on this website that covers these:

    https://autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/finance-money-and-benefits

    There is a lot to proces here so I'll pause at this.

  • in reply to Iain

    well i have always been a role model for him his benefits are sorted out his mum did that, he is high functioning to meet him you wouldnt know there was anything wrong.

    One thing is he's very open to asking questions.

    Sometimes I think he doesn't understand he's different. I would never want him to be insecure and anxious i recall at 12 him crying to me because he struggles to keep up with his peers mentally.

    I am so proud of the person he is, his moral code is beyond reproach, he's not racist (no thanks to his Father) he won't steal or lie or cheat, and those qualities i am so proud of  but people take advantage of him and i am so scared he will have that Moral code i am so proud of twisted.

Reply
  • in reply to Iain

    well i have always been a role model for him his benefits are sorted out his mum did that, he is high functioning to meet him you wouldnt know there was anything wrong.

    One thing is he's very open to asking questions.

    Sometimes I think he doesn't understand he's different. I would never want him to be insecure and anxious i recall at 12 him crying to me because he struggles to keep up with his peers mentally.

    I am so proud of the person he is, his moral code is beyond reproach, he's not racist (no thanks to his Father) he won't steal or lie or cheat, and those qualities i am so proud of  but people take advantage of him and i am so scared he will have that Moral code i am so proud of twisted.

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