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Hitting during meltdowns

Amberet

Hi everyone,

Some advice here would be great. My son is 5 and is autistic with a PDA profile. He’s a lovely little boy and we get along really well (I’m autistic too) but when he gets really upset (usually when the TV has to go off) he quickly resorts to hitting me & his dad.

We’re really understanding and have changed so much of our day-to day-life to reduce the demands on him as far as possible, but sometimes there are things we really need to do (like get him to school). 

We don’t want to take away his TV time as we know he uses it to regulate, and we certainly don’t want to punish him for getting upset when it goes off, but we’re at a loss how to get him to understand that hitting us isn’t acceptable. 

I appreciate he’s still really young and will hopefully move away from hitting as he grows, but if anyone has experience of this and can help us understand how to gently discipline the hitting (not the meltdown) that would be helpful.

Thanks!

  • The best that I can think of - and this helped with my daughter who also has a PDA profile - is to make it clear that hitting causes an instant timeout. We do what is called “1-2-3 Magic” in our house, where unwanted behaviors are counted with a one, then two, then when the child gets a three it’s a timeout. However, certain things - such as hitting - necessitate an instant timeout.

    A note on timeouts, in my house a timeout requires sitting in a spot (usually a couch or stairs) with no distractions except a pillow and a blanket. The timeout lasts the same number of minutes as the child’s age (my daughter is 7, so she gets 7 minute timeouts). The parent stays near the child during timeout, but we try to limit interaction, that way the child isn’t completely isolated but still free from distractions. Shutting the child in a room by themself is a little too isolating and may be too strong of a punishment.

    I’m not saying that you need to do “1-2-3 Magic” as well, but some routine discipline along those lines could help. In our case, my daughter had a time probably around age 4-5 when she was biting people a lot. The instant timeouts really helped ease her out of that habit and it’s been years since we’ve had a biting incident.

    I hope that helps!

  • You might find the following guidance useful. In addition to suggesting various strategies that might help, it also includes advice about how to get specialist support via your son's GP:

    NAS - Distressed behaviour - a guide for all audiences

    NAS - Autism and anger management - a guide for parents and carers

    NAS - Meltdowns

    NAS - Demand avoidance