Hi everyone,
I’m reaching out because I’m really struggling to understand and support my 17-year-old stepson. He’s autistic and was formally diagnosed two years ago, although there were signs earlier.
My husband (his dad) and I have been together for 9 years. My stepson and my husband used to be very close — they had a really strong bond, especially when he was younger. He stayed with us often, like really often, especially during COVID he was with us months at a time, and was very much a "dad’s boy."
Around age 14, my stepson started to withdraw. There was no real reason from our side, everything was fine. Over time he got a girlfriend, he generally became more distant. We understand that he has friends he wants to spend time with them so necessarily he didn’t want to break plans he had made. Then eventually stopped all contact with his dad. It’s now been nearly four years with no direct communication. There was no argument, no big falling-out, just a gradual silence that became completely stone cold uncommunicative. The breakup between my husband and his ex-wasn’t cordial and I believe their divorce was extremely toxic. My stepson was so pro dad, he was adamant that dad was still his everything despite his mum and dad splitting. Even now there is not even a decent co-parenting relationship now even after all this time between my husband and his ex. My stepdaughter says that he doesn’t even know why he doesn’t talk to his dad anymore, that perhaps she feels that he’s taken the silence too far and doesn’t know how to come back from it. My husband is heartbroken. He’s tried everything — texts, calls, letters, gifts — but he doesn’t respond. My husband is blocked on WhatsApp, but not on SMS or phone. We don’t want to overwhelm him or make things worse, but we also don’t want to give up on him.
I know autism can make communication and emotional connection more complex, especially in teenage years. We want to be respectful of his needs, but the silence is hard to make sense of, especially given how close they were.
- Has anyone been through something similar?
- Could this be a need for space or a way of coping with teenage changes or overload?
- What helped your relationship heal, if it ever did?
- Are there gentle ways we can leave the door open without adding pressure?
Any insight, even just shared experience, would mean the world. Thank you.
