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Autistic teen desperate for friends

Soloyo

My 17-year old son is so lonely that he says he doesn't want to live. He has had acquaintances through school and college but has never, until very recently, seen friends outside of school or college. Although he did go and meet some 'friends' from college in the next town over, they've since blanked him and it turns out he paid for everything the whole day, so it seems they were likely using him. He doesn't like sports and has no interests outside of his own specialised interests (hoovers, but he's left the online community he was in because he fell out with them, and Take That). 

We live in a very rural area and there is no offer for ASD kids to socialise any closer than about 40 miles away - and even if there was, he hates his diagnosis and wouldn't want to go. He's utterly resistant to any of the suggestions I make to join clubs and activities and meet new people. When he stepbrother is with us things are a bit better but that's only every other weekend.

He has counselling but doesn't tell his counsellor the truth about how he feels. I've said I feel like he would benefit from going to the doctors but he just says he wouldn't tell them the truth about how he feels either. 

Please, does anyone have any advice or has been in the same situation? I'm desperate to help him but just don't know how. Thank you for reading.

  • in reply to Crystal

    Also, rereading what you explained, it sounds like talking through what happened when he fell out with the other online group might be very helpful.   Things like that are not uncommon, and happen to lots of people.    Perhaps someone facilitating the group, or a future group, could offer more support.    

  • in reply to Crystal

    Here is something for adults online:

    https://www.eventbrite.com/cc/monthly-meets-for-autistic-adults-1583449

    Edit:  very sorry, just checked above link and it's not on right now, but eventbrite might have other groups for autistic adults and young people on occasion 

    Also, have you tried calling your local council?   If you havent already they may possibly know of something nearer to you.

  • I've struggled as an adult, so because isolation is an issue  I searched online to see if anything was happening and found some online meet ups for young people.   Here is one: 

     https://www.ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk/what-we-do/services/i-am-an-autistic-young-person/online-youth-network

    Another, up to the age of 17 in the North East UK:

    https://the-a-game.co.uk/

    There may possibly be other online activities for young people.

    Also, if you are on Discord or are on Facebook you could try searching for groups there.   

    I think also that online role playing games can be very popular, and can involve people playing in teams.   It might be possible for him to arrange to play a game online with his stepbrother for example.    Obviously you have to be aware of safety issues.

    There are a few organisations for adults too.

  • Hi, I just wanted to say we are having very similar issues - unfortunately I dont think Usman's (16 yrs) interests would align with your son's, as his are football and sports, but I wanted to let you know you're not alone. If you wanted to try an online meeting or conversation I'd be willing to facilitate they might have something in common. If ypu think it's worth a try, please get in touch.

  • I'd think it would be useful for the counsellor to help him investigate why he doesn't want, or can't, tell the truth.

    That comes from somewhere, fear, guilt, shame, denial, etc. to understand this may help him understand himself and free him up to be more open.

  • Dear Soloyo,  

    Thank you for posting and telling the community what you are going through. We are sorry to hear that your son is currently struggling.

     

    The National Autistic Society does not currently operate a crisis or emergency service. We advise you to contact 999 or any of the crisis lines listed on our Urgent Help Page if you or anyone else is at risk of immediate harm: https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/urgent-help  

     

    If your son is not at immediate risk of harm, we would encourage him to speak to his GP or another health professional about this if he hasn’t done so already. If it’s outside your GP hours call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service. In England, Wales and Scotland there is now an option to speak with mental health professionals by selecting ‘option 2’ when calling NHS 111: https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/   

    You may also find the following useful:  

    • Samaritans: Call 116 123 for free, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. 
    • Mind Infoline: 0300 1233393 for information and signposting (9am to 6pm, Monday to Friday)  
    • SANEline: 0300 304 7000 for anyone experiencing a mental health problem or supporting someone else (4.30pm to 10.30pm, every day) 
    • Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM): 0800 58 58 58, for anyone who is struggling or affected by suicide or suicidal thoughts (5pm to midnight every day).   
    • Shout 85258: a free, confidential, 24/7 text messaging support service for anyone struggling to cope. 

    We hope this is helpful to you.  

     

    Best wishes,

     

    Liz Mod