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Strategies for coping with change

E_29

My 18-year-old brother is high-functioning autistic and he's finding it difficult to cope with changes. I was wondering if anyone has any strategies which have worked for helping to cope with change?

Specifically, he gets really down that he can't relive his childhood. He gets frustrated that mainstream music these days is not his preferred music from his childhood, and says that they've just thrown away all that was good. He understands that other people can have different opinions, but he sort of feels betrayed.

Also, my family are moving house soon. We are literally only going next door to the house my parents have been renting out so they can sell our house and garden to developers. I've spoken to him about advantages of this (e.g. more money, therefore more money for him to spend on his xbox and games, which is basically his entire life) but he still is really not happy about it.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Thank you :)

  • Hi LivAgain,

    Thank you so much for your thoughts, that was really helpful! Smile

    I had no idea about the feelings of loss of control, that makes more sense to me now. I'll have a think about some distractions, that sounds like a great idea!

    (I don't think making up stories sounds weird at all! Smile)

    Once again, thank you so much for your help, I really appreciate it.

    E_29

  • Hi E_29,

    Coping with change is something I really struggle with (I'm 17 - so a similar age to your brother - and Asperger's). A lot of it is my comorbid OCD, and since I started using medication for that it's been a lot better, but I still rely on my strategies quite often, such as when we go on holiday. I always find the first night quite tricky and become very stressed. Distraction is very helpful - I make sure that I take plenty of books/schoolwork/music. I also make up stories involving my imaginary characters (not as weird as it sounds!). This is pretty much how I manage my anxiety at home, so it also provides that sense of normality, having my "home comforts" with me.

    It sounds like your brother is fairly open about his feelings, for example, about how things have changed for the worse since his childhood. Talking is a good thing. I think it's important to let your loved ones know how you're feeling as often as possible, so just encourage him to keep talking to you. Make sure every single one of his questions is answered; don't leave him with any uncertainties as this may lead to destructive rumination which can be very unpleasant and trying for those having to live with it! 

    It's also essential to remember that, despite the move being a great opportunity for your family, and it not being far, and him benefitting from your new life circumstances, his anxiety surrounding change is unlikely to be directly to do with the new house. For me at least, it's the whole anxiety surrounding losing control and things potentially nothing feeling right anymore. Of course, this isn't how it works, but that's how it feels at the time, and that feeling is very vivid and real. It's easier for everyone involved if you remember the big picture. In our experience, having a better understanding makes all the difference dealing with autism-related issues - it makes it easier for all those involved.

    Good luck with your move! Smile

    LivAgain Innocent