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Is anyone else in this situation similar to mine.

Azerial

Hi there so at the moment I care for my wife which has had its challenges. After we got married things changed significantly and I have been at loss as to how to help her. It’s been long and difficult three years as I or we believe she is on the spectrum, I tried different ways of communicating and understanding her in the best way I can, 

My wife is definitely struggling with her mental health she can’t maintain her employment which has been a pattern over those years, as someone who is not on the spectrum myself that is it’s been very difficult. 

we are in the process of getting a Diagnosis but we live like she has been diagnosed as this has helped me to look at how I can best support my wife. Am looking for support myself as it’s very lonely as a lot of my needs are not met. 

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    As a personal recommendation, you might find this book helpful. It focuses on helping couples in which one partner is autistic to improve their relationships through better mutual understanding and communication, complete with exercises that you can both complete and discuss, if you wish:

    Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner

    (It was written when "Asperger's" was still a diagnostic term, whereas it's now simply diagnosed as autism / Autism Spectrum Disorder).

    Caveat: between one issue / scenario and the next, the author keeps switching the couple around. In one scenario, the male is autistic, but in the next it's the female, etc. This can be confusing, and I kept needing to check and remind myself "which person is autistic this time?". It's not the only such book to have been written in this way, and I found it very annoying - but I still felt that the benefits from it were very worthwhile.

    You might also like to consider couples counselling, led by a neurodivergence-experienced counsellor.

  • Hi Azeral,

    Welcome to the online community, it is great to have you here. 

    I can see you have already had a great suggestion of looking at our Family relationships - a guide for partners of autistic people,

    It might also be  you or your wife worth taking a look at our Seeking help with mental health,

    Best wishes,

    Olivia Mod

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    Would you be happy to share more information as to what your needs are that aren't being met? Perhaps we.could then offer some suggestions.

    In the meantime, there is information for partners of autistic people in the advice and guidance section of this website which you may find useful.