Help!

Hi all. Please bear with me, I am new here. 
my son now aged 21 was diagnosed aged 14 with high functioning ASD. We never had any behavioural issues and he attended main stream school. His issue has always been social and communication. He transitioned from primary to high school well but started to struggle which was why we decided to go for a diagnosis. Fast forward to college he did 4 A levels studied hard but struggled in the exams. Results were ok but not what he wanted. He has done some other online course and also his SIA security badge course but no one will hire him. He is now 21, not working, doesn’t go out, no local friends and has really isolated himself from us and others around him. He refuses to communicate with me, will not discuss his feelings and thoughts. I don’t push it, just make sure he knows I’m here to help. I work full time and am home based 3 days a week and office 2 days. He has recently been seen by the GP after some nudging for staff he completed the Kings Trust with. This was not helpful. He was advised to self refer and they didn’t want to see him again. He has self referred for therapy and we are awaiting an appointment. He does ok in social situations but will shut down once in his safe space. I’m so worried about him. He sleeps all the time. Is hardly active so has gained weight and his moods are terrible. He’s a big young man and I’m slightly intimidated by him. I am at a lose on how to help him. 
can anyone offer any guidance. I’d be grateful for anything. Thank you. 

  • Hi, I am kind of in the same situation but my son is coming up to 18. My son has been pulled out of sixth form due to bullying. He has no friends, only goes out to walk the dog (unless it’s a bad day). He is in his room all day speaking to AI or playing Minecraft. He has been to CAHMS but has decided he doesn’t want to go anymore. He doesn’t want to engage with Early Help but has given them authority to work with us, his parents, to work on our parenting skills. GP won’t prescribe anything for his anxiety due to his age. CAHMS wouldn’t prescribe anything either. Everything I do or say is wrong. I’m the same in that I don’t know how to help him. Everything I suggest gets a ‘No’. My son really struggles to express his feelings. Like you and your son I feel slightly intimidated as does my husband. I’m sending you a massive hug x

  • Dear NAS39245,

    Thank you for posting to our Online Community. I can see that you have received some really useful advice and guidence from other users.

    You may like to have a look at the mental health section of our website which has useful links to information and advice about a range of mental health issues: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health

    The following information about autistic fatigue and burnout may be of particular interest: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/autistic-fatigue 

    In addition, you or your son may find the National Autistic Society's resources for autistic teenagers helpful. The Know Yourself series offers free resources (videos, PDFs, worksheets) to support autistic teenagers in understanding what being autistic means to them: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/resources-for-autistic-teenagers 

    I hope this is helpful. 

    Kind Regards,
    Rosie Mod

  • If he won't talk to you would he talk to someone else, e.g. a therapist? Does he recognise he even has an issue?

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    It's very difficult to advise, not knowing your son. But maybe you could think about suggesting these things to him:

    1. Registering on this site to chat to others who are in a similar situation

    2. Joining a local club or society to do with his interests

    3. Thinking about what he would like to do for a job and taking courses to gain the required qualifications

    4. Getting a pet (if you're ok with that) - autistic people often relate well to animals and it can improve mood, and if it's a dog it will get him out of the house to walk it.

    5. Doing charity work part time to improve his CV and chances of getting a job.

    6. Doing an open university degree at home

    I wish you, and him, all the best.