desperately needing help

You sound like a very caring parent. My son often doesn't know why he is worried and as a parent that can be so difficult. 

I can share my experience. Getting to the final year can be challenging and lots of students have more challenging behavior as they get towards the 'top' of the school. There could also be many challenges talked about like SATS and people talking about whether they will pass, which I feel goes against the original reason they were started. Then as you said moving schools is a big challenge. I wondered if your son comes under the SEND team, as the school SENCO may be able to help or you may be able to contact the SENCO of the school he hopes to go to and ask for extra visits to help with the transition. It is a big change and my son also went to a different school from friends. In his case making new friends helped, following difficulties at his previous school.

I note you also mentioned attitude when asked to do a task. My son sees that as a demand which is a challenge, so I now try to ask in slightly different ways that are less direct, for example mentioning, giving a wider deadline and sometimes helping with the task. Asking in advance is another thing that can work, but this is something to work out over time to reduce the feeling of demand, especially if it is something that needs doing now. Personally as someone on the list for assessment, I can say immediate demands cause difficulties. Over time he has started to do more, so I then can celebrate the positives with him.

In respect of sleeping, this is also a difficult thing and not being able to fall asleep can cause panic. This time of the year is difficult due to so much light. The solutions we found with this was blackout curtains and now he is older he also has an eye mask. Another problem was switching off thoughts. The solution we found here was having a fan on in his bedroom as the sound helped him to fall asleep. In your situation I wonder if it is possible to leave recorded music on.

In respect of support I wonder if the school would be able to give you information of any local support groups either run by local services or parents in similar situations. I made use of these when my son was younger and found it helped to know I wasn't alone, as well as getting ideas from others.

Also if you suspect PDA I guess you have googled it as there is a website and books that have been written.

Like you, I have been through difficult times and it is not easy. I can see you have asked for help from professionals but not got far with that support. Often it appears that we are not doing well as it is so overwhelming. However your support is very important to him. You may be the one place where he feels safe. The extra things that you are doing are giving him that comfort he needs.

It isn't easy, but everything you do to support is helping him, but support for you is important too, so I hope you can find local support with people who also understand and may be able to recommend any local help.

Thanks for this, can i ask how do you word things with your son? REcording will be a no go he flat out said no that he doesn't want a recording but wants me. I feel like he is riddled with anxiety and won't say what, last night he came down crying and I went up, and he kept repeating his stupid ADHD brain thought his projector was now an alligator, and was gonna eat us all up.

So I fixed the projector to not show an alligator, and he couldn't express to me why he is feeling this way. He has two weeks off school now, and I am just gonna let him be him, no demands no nothing and see if that can help him relax, and then we can maybe have a conversations on expectations etc. 

Thanks for this, can i ask how do you word things with your son? REcording will be a no go he flat out said no that he doesn't want a recording but wants me. I feel like he is riddled with anxiety and won't say what, last night he came down crying and I went up, and he kept repeating his stupid ADHD brain thought his projector was now an alligator, and was gonna eat us all up.

So I fixed the projector to not show an alligator, and he couldn't express to me why he is feeling this way. He has two weeks off school now, and I am just gonna let him be him, no demands no nothing and see if that can help him relax, and then we can maybe have a conversations on expectations etc. 

That's good you have help from the SENCO. It is difficult as they often don't want to be seen to be different. 

I can say from my experience, although we have gone through difficulties, some things have improved over time. There are other things that just are as they are.

Hoping the time off school is beneficial to you both.

Hey,

Thanks for this, sorry I haven't replied sooner. I do think I need to change my wording and how I phrase things with him. Usually if he says no I am pretty much respect it, and don't push unless I am really desperate. I usually give him a count down I.e. so in 5 minutes its time to brush your teeth etc, as I know that usually works.

Last night yes I still had to sing 15 times but I think its more to do with hin still trying to get out of his fight or flight way.

He is involved with senco and we have allsorts in place but he doesn't like using some of them, I think out of embarrassment but wr will continue to keep trying with him  

Hi. So for example dinner in 5 minutes or it would be good if you could bring your cup down next time you come down. As he often says he will do something by a set time I might say by 4 o'clock. A lot of things are also about forgetting I think. So sometimes I offer to help or ask when he would like help. I also give choices so would you like to go out at 2 or 230 for example. You mentioned the ADHD, I recently watched Inside the ADHD Mind on I player with Chris Packham. My son has never been able to explain what it feels like to have ADHD and I found that particularly the young man gave a good insight.

Another thing regarding bedtime, would it help if after a while you were in the room next door, so still nearby?

That sounds a good plan for the holiday and may help to see if school is the main factor. If so it may help, as someone else suggested to note what happens in a school day,when things are worse after school, if you can find out, it then might be helpful to discuss concerns with the school SENCO and also go back to CAMHS. We did this when we had concerns with his mental health after moving home and were able to get advice, although this was post ADHD diagnosis.