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My Daughter

LisaQ

I’m looking for advice 

my daughter is 14 and diagnosed with ASD last summer 

we are really struggling with friendships and her approach to people. She is extremely black and white and blunt. She always tells the truth even when people don’t want to hear it 

I’ve tried to tell her that people don’t like the way she speak to people sometimes but she doesn’t show much empathy and always thinks she is right 

none, adults and her peers seem to understand her or even try and it’s so hard for us as her parents to watch her struggle as it does upset her 

how do we parent this? How do we make her understand that she has to calm down, not take things so seriously and come across so hard 

A struggling parent 

Parents

  • Since it is upsetting her, that's your way in.

    She wants to do better.

    Maybe you can ask her how she thinks the other person feels, or why they would say what they do. If she can start to appreciate the other persons position she will tend to be a bit more moderate. She can still disagree.

    If she likes rules, then manners and etiquette are ways to interact.

    I think that was what I always did, I am just polite and formal most of the time as it works.

  • in reply to Stuart333

    Thank you.. the issues arise when she isn’t in control or when she thinks she is in the right and a adult is disagreeing with her, she doesn’t seem to have the respect- just because they are older 

    she is fine in school when things are ok but when the wheels come off her blow ups come across very very rude and people do not take kindly to it at all

  • in reply to LisaQ

    I hated being a teenager as you had to follow other people's arbitrary rules. But that's the game.

    All you can do is point out that sometimes you have to just keep quiet even if you disagree. Someone has to make some rules, and you just have to play along till you are bigger. Just have some manners.

    An alternative might be to to count to 3 or 5 before replying which buys some time to think, is this a good idea. It takes the heat and impulsivity out of it, if you have the self control. Doesn't stop you if you still think it is the right thing to say though.

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  • in reply to LisaQ

    I hated being a teenager as you had to follow other people's arbitrary rules. But that's the game.

    All you can do is point out that sometimes you have to just keep quiet even if you disagree. Someone has to make some rules, and you just have to play along till you are bigger. Just have some manners.

    An alternative might be to to count to 3 or 5 before replying which buys some time to think, is this a good idea. It takes the heat and impulsivity out of it, if you have the self control. Doesn't stop you if you still think it is the right thing to say though.

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