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School advised daughter likely autistic but should not get her tested

Swimswim

Hi,

I'm hoping to hear other people's advice and personal experiences please. My daughter is 7 and is showing more and more autistic traits. She struggles socially at school,  preferring to spend time on her own. She cannot cope with changes in routine, and it results in massive meltdowns if there are the the tiniest changes. There's more, but I'll keep the post brief.

At a school SENCO meeting about her sibling the SENCO mentioned that my daughter could be Autistic, but advised that getting a diagnosis may be harmful for her. She is incredibly intelligent, working at roughly the level of an 8-9 year old despite only bring 7, and the school SENCO was concerned that a diagnosis would only hold her back in the future if she were to face stigma because of it. She explained that my daughter clearly does not need any academic support due to her autism, and she did not feel that she would get any benefit from a diagnosis with her emotional and social needs.

I would love to hear other people's advice and experiences please, as parents or people with Autism. Thank you

Parents

  • I had a reading age of over 18 by the time  I was 10. School was not hard, it was mostly boring, but I did everything and never got into trouble to fit in.

    I did not know I was any different, maybe I am not, I will find out I the next month for sure.

    While thinking you are fine, or a bit eccentric is ok, and ensures you have no excuses, I did drop out of University and struggled in relationships.  I have been excessively driven in work, which has compromised my health due to stress and dehydration, compromised my social life, lead to me being alone for 27 years, cause significant distress, all because I did not know what I was doing. I have had sleep issues for decades and found it hard to control alcohol usage, I thought I was right and everyone else was wrong. I now see I had some cognitive distortions.

    At what point would it have been good to know, I am not sure. Maybe at 18, maybe at 25, I would have been a bit kinder to myself. But 56 is a bit late to find out after suffering burnout and several quite significant and very long lasting depressive episodes.

    The challenge if you are bright is you learn to fit in, but it takes a toll. You also struggle to see it in yourself, but feel a bit different. Eventually things mount up but you are too scared to do anything, until eventually something forces your hand, which may take a long time.

    I expect each person is unique so there is no right answer.

  • in reply to Stuart333

    Yes - your words ‘you learn to fit in, but it takes a toll’ - 100% agree. This is why I think a diagnosis is so helpful - because it gives the child, the family and the school greater understanding, awareness and acceptance of the differences and needs that might be there when a child (or adult) is autistic. Not having a diagnosis doesn’t make any of the difficulties autism might present go away - but having a diagnosis can enable all involved to find appropriate strategies to help. And as for stigma - as an adult you don’t have to share your autism diagnosis with anyone unless you choose to disclose it. My eldest has chosen not to disclose it to past employers, and is now doing a PHD and has chosen not to disclose it to the University either because he doesn’t think it’s relevant to his working life or that he requires any adjustments or support from the University connected to him being autistic. 

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    As ana adult, it is not the adjustments from others that matter, its the adjustments you make for yourself. While you want to push you need to know where the line is.

    As a child I am not sure.

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