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School advised daughter likely autistic but should not get her tested

Swimswim

Hi,

I'm hoping to hear other people's advice and personal experiences please. My daughter is 7 and is showing more and more autistic traits. She struggles socially at school,  preferring to spend time on her own. She cannot cope with changes in routine, and it results in massive meltdowns if there are the the tiniest changes. There's more, but I'll keep the post brief.

At a school SENCO meeting about her sibling the SENCO mentioned that my daughter could be Autistic, but advised that getting a diagnosis may be harmful for her. She is incredibly intelligent, working at roughly the level of an 8-9 year old despite only bring 7, and the school SENCO was concerned that a diagnosis would only hold her back in the future if she were to face stigma because of it. She explained that my daughter clearly does not need any academic support due to her autism, and she did not feel that she would get any benefit from a diagnosis with her emotional and social needs.

I would love to hear other people's advice and experiences please, as parents or people with Autism. Thank you

Parents

  • Ok - for a Senco to say that a possibly autistic child should avoid getting a diagnosis ‘because of the stigma’ is frankly outrageous. And it’s rubbish too. I’m familiar with this sort of thing after many years of dealing with schools with my own autistic children (who are now young adults). I remember one Ed Psych telling us that we shouldn’t ‘bother’ to get an EHCP in place for my youngest son because “it won’t make any difference”! It absolutely did make a difference (more help, more leverage to get that support, free transport to college when he got older etc etc). So my advice to any parent is don’t accept everything your told - always do your own research and make sure your informed. Some staff in schools and LAs are downright incompetent, and some are simply unhelpful and trying to save money and reduce their workload. Sad but true I’m afraid.

    In terms of your daughters academic ability - my eldest was highly gifted academically but still ended up getting a diagnosis - because you can be very able academically but still struggle in other areas of your life when your autistic - and those difficulties are real and erased by being able to pass a load of exams at school, and it’s still good to have that recognised and to have support with. 

    And to be completely clear: getting a diagnosis CAN be helpful for addressing social and emotional needs. Apart from anything else it can be validating for the child themselves - and help them to have a greater understanding of why they struggle in these areas. Greater understanding of why we struggle helps us to find strategies that can help.

    If I were in your shoes I would write to your school, copy in the LA and say that you think your child might be autistic,  ask them to put in writing to you their reasons for not putting her forward for assessment. Trust me - no one is going put in writing that they won’t assess her ‘because of the stigma’ - because that’s laughably inept! So get them to put in writing why not, and then you’ll have something to work with. Good luck! 

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    I meant to say: ‘…..real and *NOT* erased by being able to pass a load of exams at school’! 

    One other thing: no matter how frustrating or even incompetent the staff may be who you come into contact with whilst trying to get help for your daughter - always always be unfailingly polite and friendly with them. Firm when necessary- but always polite and friendly. Because ultimately you want to keep things as positive as possible at all times - whilst being informed about all the issues involved and firm about the fact that you are determined that your daughter gets the help she needs. You don’t want your relationship with staff at school and the LA to become in any way confrontational or toxic - this can easily happen to parents when they feel schools are failing their children - emotions can become heated and the relationship with school can easily deteriorate. So you need to keep your cool at all times and be very professional and calm. Firm but calm. 

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  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    I meant to say: ‘…..real and *NOT* erased by being able to pass a load of exams at school’! 

    One other thing: no matter how frustrating or even incompetent the staff may be who you come into contact with whilst trying to get help for your daughter - always always be unfailingly polite and friendly with them. Firm when necessary- but always polite and friendly. Because ultimately you want to keep things as positive as possible at all times - whilst being informed about all the issues involved and firm about the fact that you are determined that your daughter gets the help she needs. You don’t want your relationship with staff at school and the LA to become in any way confrontational or toxic - this can easily happen to parents when they feel schools are failing their children - emotions can become heated and the relationship with school can easily deteriorate. So you need to keep your cool at all times and be very professional and calm. Firm but calm. 

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