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New Diagnosis for My 3-Year-Old Daughter – Feeling Overwhelmed and Alone

Nezi

Hi

I am writing this with a very heavy heart- my 3 year old little girl was diagnosed with autism literally yesterday afternoon under an new pilot scheme. The assessment involved an Educational Psychologist and a Paediatrician. My Mum was with my daughter in one room while I was in another with Paediatrician. After a couple of hours of observations and discussions- including input from my daughters nursery- we were told my little girl is autistic.

I completely froze when I heard these words- I broke down in tears and I simply could not stop. I felt and still feel a roller coaster of emotions- shock, grief, fear, guilt - this list goes on and on and on. I’ve found my self mourning a future I thought I knew, while desperately trying to learn and prepare for the one ahead.

I am single parent, a survivor of domestic violence perpetrated by my daughters Dad. We’ve been through ALOT. I’m know and I’m fully aware autistic people can and do live beautiful, meaningful, successful lives. But right now I feel completely lost, I’m going through different thought processes like are these clinicians even 100% right, how can they be so certain? Did they explain how they came to these conclusions thoroughly enough? Should I have challenged them a bit more? Should I get a second opinion? Doctors have been wrong before, why has my daughter got this disability? Is it a disability ? You name it I’ve thought it, been through and are going through the emotion. I haven’t slept, I can’t eat, I can’t focus on my work, all I care about is my little girl who is a part of me that’s outside my body and all I want to do is protect her love her and keep her so far away from any harm. My lioness is on top form, I will keep my cub safe and I will kill anyone or anything that remotely hurts her. I feel like I’ve been hit by something; a big lorry that I was completely not prepared for and quite frankly I’m scared for her- scared for how the world might treat her, for her relationships, her safety, mental well being, for how I can be there for 24/7 365 days of every single year to protect and advocate for her the best possible way.

Ive tried reaching out to services since this diagnosis, emailed everyone I could find, called everyone I could find but only one responded. Even trying to fill in support forms seems impossible while I’m in this emotional state. I need to help my daughter I need to be strong I am all she has got. I just don’t know where to start. If anyone has been where I am now please reach out :-(

Parents

  • Labels and having a diagnosis can have advantages, but they can also have a negative side. At the moment you’re very much experiencing the problematic aspects of your daughter getting an autism diagnosis. But trust me - it’s definitely in your daughter’s best interests to have her needs identified - because this dramatically increases her chances of having her needs met. Ultimately that’s what matters most - she’s 3 and vulnerable, you’re an adult who is feeling shaken and upset right now - of the two of you she is the priority - and this diagnosis is a very distinctive step forward for her. It means you can understand her better, you can help her to be happier, and to have a better chance of thriving in an educational setting. It’s very early days and you’re only human - so please don’t feel bad that you’re struggling with this at first. But your daughter needs you. Being autistic is an intrinsic part of who she is - she can’t be separated from it - so if you truly love her you need to love her autistic self just as much as the other aspects of who she is. In time I feel completely confident that you’ll embrace all the aspects of your daughter - including all those that are associated with her being autistic. I have two autistic children (young adults now) and wouldn’t change anything about them - they are wonderful people and I couldn’t be more proud of them. It might be a cliche but there genuinely are many positives about being autistic - even though there are many challenges too. One of my children was very academically gifted and is now doing a PHD, and my other child seriously struggled academically and had selective mutism  in school - but has a million great qualities that make him an absolute joy to know. They are both amazing, loving, kind people and a lot of that is BECAUSE they are autistic. It’s going to be ok - please believe me - you’re just in a shock I imagine? But it really will be ok :)  

Reply

  • Labels and having a diagnosis can have advantages, but they can also have a negative side. At the moment you’re very much experiencing the problematic aspects of your daughter getting an autism diagnosis. But trust me - it’s definitely in your daughter’s best interests to have her needs identified - because this dramatically increases her chances of having her needs met. Ultimately that’s what matters most - she’s 3 and vulnerable, you’re an adult who is feeling shaken and upset right now - of the two of you she is the priority - and this diagnosis is a very distinctive step forward for her. It means you can understand her better, you can help her to be happier, and to have a better chance of thriving in an educational setting. It’s very early days and you’re only human - so please don’t feel bad that you’re struggling with this at first. But your daughter needs you. Being autistic is an intrinsic part of who she is - she can’t be separated from it - so if you truly love her you need to love her autistic self just as much as the other aspects of who she is. In time I feel completely confident that you’ll embrace all the aspects of your daughter - including all those that are associated with her being autistic. I have two autistic children (young adults now) and wouldn’t change anything about them - they are wonderful people and I couldn’t be more proud of them. It might be a cliche but there genuinely are many positives about being autistic - even though there are many challenges too. One of my children was very academically gifted and is now doing a PHD, and my other child seriously struggled academically and had selective mutism  in school - but has a million great qualities that make him an absolute joy to know. They are both amazing, loving, kind people and a lot of that is BECAUSE they are autistic. It’s going to be ok - please believe me - you’re just in a shock I imagine? But it really will be ok :)  

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