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New Diagnosis for My 3-Year-Old Daughter – Feeling Overwhelmed and Alone

Nezi

Hi

I am writing this with a very heavy heart- my 3 year old little girl was diagnosed with autism literally yesterday afternoon under an new pilot scheme. The assessment involved an Educational Psychologist and a Paediatrician. My Mum was with my daughter in one room while I was in another with Paediatrician. After a couple of hours of observations and discussions- including input from my daughters nursery- we were told my little girl is autistic.

I completely froze when I heard these words- I broke down in tears and I simply could not stop. I felt and still feel a roller coaster of emotions- shock, grief, fear, guilt - this list goes on and on and on. I’ve found my self mourning a future I thought I knew, while desperately trying to learn and prepare for the one ahead.

I am single parent, a survivor of domestic violence perpetrated by my daughters Dad. We’ve been through ALOT. I’m know and I’m fully aware autistic people can and do live beautiful, meaningful, successful lives. But right now I feel completely lost, I’m going through different thought processes like are these clinicians even 100% right, how can they be so certain? Did they explain how they came to these conclusions thoroughly enough? Should I have challenged them a bit more? Should I get a second opinion? Doctors have been wrong before, why has my daughter got this disability? Is it a disability ? You name it I’ve thought it, been through and are going through the emotion. I haven’t slept, I can’t eat, I can’t focus on my work, all I care about is my little girl who is a part of me that’s outside my body and all I want to do is protect her love her and keep her so far away from any harm. My lioness is on top form, I will keep my cub safe and I will kill anyone or anything that remotely hurts her. I feel like I’ve been hit by something; a big lorry that I was completely not prepared for and quite frankly I’m scared for her- scared for how the world might treat her, for her relationships, her safety, mental well being, for how I can be there for 24/7 365 days of every single year to protect and advocate for her the best possible way.

Ive tried reaching out to services since this diagnosis, emailed everyone I could find, called everyone I could find but only one responded. Even trying to fill in support forms seems impossible while I’m in this emotional state. I need to help my daughter I need to be strong I am all she has got. I just don’t know where to start. If anyone has been where I am now please reach out :-(

Parents

  • Thank you so much everyone, l agree and will follow all your advice and suggestions. I just feel completely numb today I think I’ve given all my energy to these wild emotions already, but I do still keep having questions and thoughts zinging around in my brain. Like when do you even tell a 3 year old she’s autistic? How would that make her feel? Or see herself! If I don’t tell her early enough will she think I was ashamed or embarrassed of her? Which of course is and will never be the case, I would change her for anything, she’s my baby I love her and she’s my whole entire life and world.. and I’m crying again now :/( I’m so heartbroken I’ve never felt like in this in my whole 39 years of living for anyone or anything else 

  • in reply to Nezi

    Do you think she would understand if you told her now? No. So you have plenty of time.

    She is just busy being herself.

    You need to be less hard on yourself. You don't need to resolve everything in the first week.

    The reason to know now is more for you than her, so you can make allowances and not worry she is ill. If there are sensory things that cause her distress you can avoid them or find workarounds. It is to make her life less stressful and more happy, which is what you also want.

  • in reply to Stuart333

    You are absolutely right Stuart, thank you is an understatement. I am just naturally a worried- stressed parent, all I ever do is worry about her. I think that's partially because I had her later in life, 36 years old and so I am aware and conscious of everything that could go wrong or be bad for her. I have made an appointment for myself with my GP to see if I can get any professional support, because I really need to be strong for my daughter through this whole process. 

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  • in reply to Stuart333

    You are absolutely right Stuart, thank you is an understatement. I am just naturally a worried- stressed parent, all I ever do is worry about her. I think that's partially because I had her later in life, 36 years old and so I am aware and conscious of everything that could go wrong or be bad for her. I have made an appointment for myself with my GP to see if I can get any professional support, because I really need to be strong for my daughter through this whole process. 

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