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New Diagnosis for My 3-Year-Old Daughter – Feeling Overwhelmed and Alone

Nezi

Hi

I am writing this with a very heavy heart- my 3 year old little girl was diagnosed with autism literally yesterday afternoon under an new pilot scheme. The assessment involved an Educational Psychologist and a Paediatrician. My Mum was with my daughter in one room while I was in another with Paediatrician. After a couple of hours of observations and discussions- including input from my daughters nursery- we were told my little girl is autistic.

I completely froze when I heard these words- I broke down in tears and I simply could not stop. I felt and still feel a roller coaster of emotions- shock, grief, fear, guilt - this list goes on and on and on. I’ve found my self mourning a future I thought I knew, while desperately trying to learn and prepare for the one ahead.

I am single parent, a survivor of domestic violence perpetrated by my daughters Dad. We’ve been through ALOT. I’m know and I’m fully aware autistic people can and do live beautiful, meaningful, successful lives. But right now I feel completely lost, I’m going through different thought processes like are these clinicians even 100% right, how can they be so certain? Did they explain how they came to these conclusions thoroughly enough? Should I have challenged them a bit more? Should I get a second opinion? Doctors have been wrong before, why has my daughter got this disability? Is it a disability ? You name it I’ve thought it, been through and are going through the emotion. I haven’t slept, I can’t eat, I can’t focus on my work, all I care about is my little girl who is a part of me that’s outside my body and all I want to do is protect her love her and keep her so far away from any harm. My lioness is on top form, I will keep my cub safe and I will kill anyone or anything that remotely hurts her. I feel like I’ve been hit by something; a big lorry that I was completely not prepared for and quite frankly I’m scared for her- scared for how the world might treat her, for her relationships, her safety, mental well being, for how I can be there for 24/7 365 days of every single year to protect and advocate for her the best possible way.

Ive tried reaching out to services since this diagnosis, emailed everyone I could find, called everyone I could find but only one responded. Even trying to fill in support forms seems impossible while I’m in this emotional state. I need to help my daughter I need to be strong I am all she has got. I just don’t know where to start. If anyone has been where I am now please reach out :-(

Parents

  • Hello, give yourself a chance, be kind, it has only been 24 hrs.
    People may not respond that quickly and you need to allow yourself a little bit of space to get some perspective and stop your mind racing.

    You have jumped a long way into the future considering all sorts of possible outcomes, including many not good ones, which is why you are scared.
    Maybe everything will turn out fine. It's not an all-or-nothing thing. What if you assume the best instead of the worst?
    Your daughter is not ill. She will grow to be her own person. Perhaps she will be very skilled and you won't need to there all the time to protect her.

    In the short term I think you need to think of yourself first. You can't do your best for yourself or your daughter if you don't eat or rest and lose perspective.
    The forms will still be there next week, take a few days, it will not make much difference.
    Your daughter will pick up on your fears which will not help.

    The reason for the doctors to be involved is so people are aware. People may contact you in a few days.
    You and your daughter are the same people today that they were last week. Nothing has changed except you now have fears which may not be real, you don't know what the future will be yet.

  • in reply to Stuart333

    My daughter was diagnosed around 4 years old, but my experience is a bit different since I was diagnosed before her.

    Stuart333’s absolutely right and he gave some great advice. Continuing off of what he said about not worrying so much about the future: I have six books on Autism at work. Five of those were written by Autistic people. Two of those authors have doctorates. These aren’t even savants (like possibly Mozart and Einstein), these are normal Autistic people who found their own way in the world.

    Things still look pretty good for our daughters. What is important is for them to have a solid support system now, which your daughter obviously has with you.

Reply
  • in reply to Stuart333

    My daughter was diagnosed around 4 years old, but my experience is a bit different since I was diagnosed before her.

    Stuart333’s absolutely right and he gave some great advice. Continuing off of what he said about not worrying so much about the future: I have six books on Autism at work. Five of those were written by Autistic people. Two of those authors have doctorates. These aren’t even savants (like possibly Mozart and Einstein), these are normal Autistic people who found their own way in the world.

    Things still look pretty good for our daughters. What is important is for them to have a solid support system now, which your daughter obviously has with you.

Children
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