Unmasking aged 8

Hi, it is a lot to deal with when it starts to dawn on us that a child has a significant issue like autism. When this happened with us I knew so little about autism - looking back now (both my children are in their 20s now) I can remember feeling quite desperate at times as I tried to navigate dealing with school and trying to get help for my youngest son. He developed Selective Mutism when he started primary school - but wasn’t diagnosed with autism til he was 10 years old. 
It can feel overwhelming. I think the key thing to keep focus on is listening to you child - tuning in to their experience and what they are saying they need to help them to cope with school. School life can be incredibly challenging for autistic children - it’s so intense: so many people, so many pressures and demands on you, so much sensory input. This can put an immense strain on your child’s mental health (and consequently a lot of strain on your mental health too). 
I would say: concentrate on what is good for your child’s mental health and happiness TODAY. Try not to get too caught up on looking ahead to what your daughters life will be like in the future - because you have absolutely no idea about that whatsoever  it’s pointless to dwell on that now and it’s only adding to your stress. It’s not helping you or your daughter to start engaging in that. Focusing on her health and happiness now is the concrete thing you can do now that will ultimately improve her future anyway. 
If it’s any comfort both my children were eventually diagnosed with autism, one is now doing a PHD and one struggled academically - so every person with autism is different and predicting their future life and achievements is not something you need to do at this point. Both my children are an absolute joy to be around and I am so incredibly proud of both of them. I wouldn’t ’take away’ their autism if I could - because it’s an intrinsic part of who they are - and I love who they are! Embrace your daughter’s autism diagnosis - because it’s a big part who she is. Don’t waste time and energy ‘grieving’ - celebrate your daughter on every level of who she is. She’s facing a lot of challenges in coping with school - I can’t overstate that enough - so be proud of her for trying to do that, because trust me it can take an immense amount of courage and strength for an autistic child to get through the school day. It’s hard and im sure she’s being really brave to face that every day. She needs you support and unconditional love for her to be able to navigate all she is having to cope with now. Mainstream schools are not well designed for autistic pupils. She needs you. Drop all your expectations of what ‘a wonderful life’ (as you put it) might be for your daughter - no one’s life is always wonderful after all! Just focus on her day to day happiness now :) 

Hi, it is a lot to deal with when it starts to dawn on us that a child has a significant issue like autism. When this happened with us I knew so little about autism - looking back now (both my children are in their 20s now) I can remember feeling quite desperate at times as I tried to navigate dealing with school and trying to get help for my youngest son. He developed Selective Mutism when he started primary school - but wasn’t diagnosed with autism til he was 10 years old. 
It can feel overwhelming. I think the key thing to keep focus on is listening to you child - tuning in to their experience and what they are saying they need to help them to cope with school. School life can be incredibly challenging for autistic children - it’s so intense: so many people, so many pressures and demands on you, so much sensory input. This can put an immense strain on your child’s mental health (and consequently a lot of strain on your mental health too). 
I would say: concentrate on what is good for your child’s mental health and happiness TODAY. Try not to get too caught up on looking ahead to what your daughters life will be like in the future - because you have absolutely no idea about that whatsoever  it’s pointless to dwell on that now and it’s only adding to your stress. It’s not helping you or your daughter to start engaging in that. Focusing on her health and happiness now is the concrete thing you can do now that will ultimately improve her future anyway. 
If it’s any comfort both my children were eventually diagnosed with autism, one is now doing a PHD and one struggled academically - so every person with autism is different and predicting their future life and achievements is not something you need to do at this point. Both my children are an absolute joy to be around and I am so incredibly proud of both of them. I wouldn’t ’take away’ their autism if I could - because it’s an intrinsic part of who they are - and I love who they are! Embrace your daughter’s autism diagnosis - because it’s a big part who she is. Don’t waste time and energy ‘grieving’ - celebrate your daughter on every level of who she is. She’s facing a lot of challenges in coping with school - I can’t overstate that enough - so be proud of her for trying to do that, because trust me it can take an immense amount of courage and strength for an autistic child to get through the school day. It’s hard and im sure she’s being really brave to face that every day. She needs you support and unconditional love for her to be able to navigate all she is having to cope with now. Mainstream schools are not well designed for autistic pupils. She needs you. Drop all your expectations of what ‘a wonderful life’ (as you put it) might be for your daughter - no one’s life is always wonderful after all! Just focus on her day to day happiness now :)