Unmasking aged 8

Hi and welcome to the community.

I’m so sorry that the first reply you received here was so critical (including in its edited version, with this added final sentence):

Unknown said:

Yeah it does (sound awful).   

I am not sure that coming to a forum full of Autistic people & speaking of your grief was altogether wise.   It has the potential to make some of us here feel less than adequate. 

I do appreciate you are going through an emotional time, but I wish to assure you that Autism does not mean that the future is bleak.

This forum is open to all, including parents and carers of autistic children. You should feel free to discuss your feelings openly, without fear of being reprimanded by another member for sharing them.

Grieving is far from uncommon as a reaction to an autism diagnosis / realisation. My own reactions, as a late-diagnosed adult, have included both backward- and forward-looking grief.

Parents can, naturally, also feel similarly in respect of their child’s diagnosis, so please don’t be hard on yourself about it, or about sharing how you feel.

For example, a few years ago, a BBC drama called “The A Word” explored the experiences of parents of autistic children. The writers were advised by Tom Purser - then of the National Autistic Society, now the CEO of the Autism Centre of Excellence at Cambridge -  whose own son was diagnosed when a toddler. In an article discussing the programme, he explained how “My wife talks about grieving. As first-time parents your expectation about what your child is going to be like is shattered by that diagnosis.”

BBC - The relief and grief of a child being diagnosed with autism

In another example, a Psychology Today article explains how “Notwithstanding your deep love for your child, parents can experience feelings of grief, anger, fear, and stress.”

Psychology Today - Parenting a Child with Autism

As you and your daughter move through the diagnostic process, you might find the resources in the NAS's diagnosis hub helpful. They include, for example:

NAS - What can I do while waiting for an autism assessment?

NAS - Talking about and disclosing your diagnosis - which includes a section titled “When and how should I talk to my child about their diagnosis?” 

In respect of emotional support, you might find this article helpful:

NAS - Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis

Finally, you might like to request an emotional support call from the NAS’s helpline for parents: 

“The Parent to Parent Emotional Support Service provides emotional support to parents and carers regarding their autistic children/grown-up children. The service is provided by trained volunteers with personal experience as the parent of an autistic child or adult. Our focus is on emotional support and understanding what it is like for you as a parent. We offer empathy, understanding, and a safe space to talk through your feelings and experiences.”

NAS - Parent to Parent Emotional Support Helpline

Hi and welcome to the community.

I’m so sorry that the first reply you received here was so critical (including in its edited version, with this added final sentence):

Unknown said:

Yeah it does (sound awful).   

I am not sure that coming to a forum full of Autistic people & speaking of your grief was altogether wise.   It has the potential to make some of us here feel less than adequate. 

I do appreciate you are going through an emotional time, but I wish to assure you that Autism does not mean that the future is bleak.

This forum is open to all, including parents and carers of autistic children. You should feel free to discuss your feelings openly, without fear of being reprimanded by another member for sharing them.

Grieving is far from uncommon as a reaction to an autism diagnosis / realisation. My own reactions, as a late-diagnosed adult, have included both backward- and forward-looking grief.

Parents can, naturally, also feel similarly in respect of their child’s diagnosis, so please don’t be hard on yourself about it, or about sharing how you feel.

For example, a few years ago, a BBC drama called “The A Word” explored the experiences of parents of autistic children. The writers were advised by Tom Purser - then of the National Autistic Society, now the CEO of the Autism Centre of Excellence at Cambridge -  whose own son was diagnosed when a toddler. In an article discussing the programme, he explained how “My wife talks about grieving. As first-time parents your expectation about what your child is going to be like is shattered by that diagnosis.”

BBC - The relief and grief of a child being diagnosed with autism

In another example, a Psychology Today article explains how “Notwithstanding your deep love for your child, parents can experience feelings of grief, anger, fear, and stress.”

Psychology Today - Parenting a Child with Autism

As you and your daughter move through the diagnostic process, you might find the resources in the NAS's diagnosis hub helpful. They include, for example:

NAS - What can I do while waiting for an autism assessment?

NAS - Talking about and disclosing your diagnosis - which includes a section titled “When and how should I talk to my child about their diagnosis?” 

In respect of emotional support, you might find this article helpful:

NAS - Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis

Finally, you might like to request an emotional support call from the NAS’s helpline for parents: 

“The Parent to Parent Emotional Support Service provides emotional support to parents and carers regarding their autistic children/grown-up children. The service is provided by trained volunteers with personal experience as the parent of an autistic child or adult. Our focus is on emotional support and understanding what it is like for you as a parent. We offer empathy, understanding, and a safe space to talk through your feelings and experiences.”

NAS - Parent to Parent Emotional Support Helpline