Words of encouragement

Good morning, you have already proved to yourself your incredible resilience through all the years of coping with life as best you can before your recent Autism confirmation. 

That is good news; as it demonstrates to yourself that you are resourceful, a "tough cookie" (perseverance in the good way) and able to deal with experiences which come your way.

That said, the fact that you only recently received your Autism news, with which you are still coming to terms, means that you owe it to yourself to "cut yourself some slack" (don't judge yourself so harshly right now / give yourself some leeway / don't push yourself so hard / don't put overly high expectations upon yourself / give yourself some extra little breaks whenever possible). 

That Autism news acclimatisation process is not to be rushed, so it is time to apply your resourcefulness to yourself, once again, in finding ways to slow things down for yourself for a while. 

The same is true when it comes to dealing, as best as any of us can, with the changes and emotions surrounding supporting a loved one through ill health.  The important space is the present, the here and now, knowing yourself and your loved one now, being sufficiently focussed on today to be able to cast to one sida the "what if?" scenarios. 

You can do this.  You can trust yourself; that you will tackle any future concerns by drawing upon your established accomplishments of your past. 

It is not written anywhere that you need to cope with your situation and emotions all by yourself - you were so sensible in reaching out for support already - which means you can rely upon yourself to do so again if the time seems right to you.  I recommend putting some helpline numbers - maybe an organisation relevant to your loved one's ill health, or those listed here:

https://www.autism.org.uk/contact-us/urgent-help

into the contacts of your phone - just in case you were to find yourself needing a human when you find that we are all asleep. 

The very act of storing the numbers means you can stop worrying about who / how to contact people, you know where they are and can stop wondering about remembering those facts. 

I find just having those contacts stored, strangely, means I can often also "park", to some extent, the associated concerns.  Maybe you might find that works similarly in your situation.

Back to building in some "mini-breaks" for your mind, body and soul.  If the weather is kind in your area; I encourage you to try to make yourself a hot drink and take your drink outdoors with you - to experience the sights, sounds, daylight and breeze of the average morning where you are. 

The challenge is not to think, but just "be". 

Linger a while over your drink, noticing the steam being snatched about by the breeze and the warm mug in your hands. 

Find ways to build other small moments for a brief moment of time to yourself throughout each day, whatever the day holds and in whichever setting or environment a given day means you find yourself. 

Use your skills to bring some little sources of comfort and focus, personal to you, with you -  as you navigate "today". 

Maybe re-purpose a small cosmetics bag / pencil case / sweet tin etc. to stash some bits and pieces to enjoy re-discovering on one of your mini-breaks throughout your day. 

Whatever works for you.  Forget the World.  Just support "you":for a few moments.

Perhaps: something to focus upon, a familiar fragrance, a quirky texture, an evocative happy memory, a sound which transports your mind to somewhere you like, a fidget item, something which makes you feel confident, a tiny Christmas cracker puzzle, a small favourite sweet, maybe a tiny notebook and short pencil to enable a doodle or with which to capture a thought - the possibilities are as broad as your imagination or creativity and do not need to be "age appropriate" - just whatever works for your as true-to-self preferred (now is not the time for masking or fitting-in).

Add just one more type of thing to your portable comfort stash: something to facilitate the possibility of this type of event: a point of contact with someone else in need / precipitate a random act of kindness / share the tribulations of an adversity / trouble-shoot a problem situation. 

Your own ideas will be more meaningful - however, here are some "for instance" suggestions to kick-start your thoughts (because high emotions can make us feel exhausted -:and that is allowed, rather than to be fought): a pocket packet, a safety pin, a needle and thread, a couple of coins for a public phone / car park / snack vending machine, a wet wipe sachet, a small plastic bag for refuse, a silly sticker to amuse or distract child.  The idea is to give yourself the opportunity to help improve another person's day - and in doing so - provide some grounding and validation of your own "today".

You already have the life skills "toolkit" which served you well thus far, you are beginning to learn some new skills as you find out some more around what Autism means to you personally and in supporting your loved one through their ill health - you may experience / encounter new people, changes to routine, unusual settings and unaccustomed emotions.  That is a lot of flux so building in and prioritising regular recuperation time is essential. 

That is all OK - because you can do that (remember that you have your comfort pack in your pocket / bag for a mini-break to recharge your personal energy levels).

You have the skills (or access to newly demanded skills), you might need to deploy some renewed determination, focus and prioritisation ...to deploy them in support of your own self care.

Emotions, all of them, each of them, any if them are always valid.  They belong to you.  You own them and they can serve you well.  Other people are exactly that "other".  The business of emotions is not a competition - it is personal to you, your body, your mind, your spirit, your motivation, your energy, your solace, yourself.  Never worry about what another person thinks about your emotions.  They are for you to acknowledge, experience, validate, harness and receive feedback and guidance.  It can feel a bit of a rollercoaster - we are not robots or computers - so that is to be expected.  It is OK.

Be true to your needs, listen to the hints and tips your body / mind gives you. 

The extra challenge for some Autistic people around emotions may include: magnitude, frequency, absence or a delayed expression, feedback or experience, an overwhelm with scant warning etc. 

There is no need to apply judgement / embarrassment / worry / panic.  It is natural for us and we can learn to better recognise ourselves.

Even if your loved one may not communicate so, they will know you are doing your best in difficult circumstances.  Your challenge is to be kind to yourself and trust in yourself on that same realisation.

We each of us are doing our best in life, that is all we or anyone else can expect of us. 

Sure, it can be true that we might not always be at our best, we are human.

We may need to slow busyness down now and again, we may need to take some breaks during our "today". 

If we are at risk of paying insufficient attention to our needs ...our emotions will be the messengers to remind us!

We may find that we need to really recuperate thoroughly from a particularly trying "today".  That is not laziness, rather, that is essential maintenance.

We can do all these things, our way, as we have resilience / skills / resourcefulness.  We know how to seek guidance and support.  We are human.  We are doing our best.  Even when not at our best ...we can trust in the knowledge that our intentions are still at their best.

...and by "we" I definitely include "you" too.  You are doing your best.

Good morning, you have already proved to yourself your incredible resilience through all the years of coping with life as best you can before your recent Autism confirmation. 

That is good news; as it demonstrates to yourself that you are resourceful, a "tough cookie" (perseverance in the good way) and able to deal with experiences which come your way.

That said, the fact that you only recently received your Autism news, with which you are still coming to terms, means that you owe it to yourself to "cut yourself some slack" (don't judge yourself so harshly right now / give yourself some leeway / don't push yourself so hard / don't put overly high expectations upon yourself / give yourself some extra little breaks whenever possible). 

That Autism news acclimatisation process is not to be rushed, so it is time to apply your resourcefulness to yourself, once again, in finding ways to slow things down for yourself for a while. 

The same is true when it comes to dealing, as best as any of us can, with the changes and emotions surrounding supporting a loved one through ill health.  The important space is the present, the here and now, knowing yourself and your loved one now, being sufficiently focussed on today to be able to cast to one sida the "what if?" scenarios. 

You can do this.  You can trust yourself; that you will tackle any future concerns by drawing upon your established accomplishments of your past. 

It is not written anywhere that you need to cope with your situation and emotions all by yourself - you were so sensible in reaching out for support already - which means you can rely upon yourself to do so again if the time seems right to you.  I recommend putting some helpline numbers - maybe an organisation relevant to your loved one's ill health, or those listed here:

https://www.autism.org.uk/contact-us/urgent-help

into the contacts of your phone - just in case you were to find yourself needing a human when you find that we are all asleep. 

The very act of storing the numbers means you can stop worrying about who / how to contact people, you know where they are and can stop wondering about remembering those facts. 

I find just having those contacts stored, strangely, means I can often also "park", to some extent, the associated concerns.  Maybe you might find that works similarly in your situation.

Back to building in some "mini-breaks" for your mind, body and soul.  If the weather is kind in your area; I encourage you to try to make yourself a hot drink and take your drink outdoors with you - to experience the sights, sounds, daylight and breeze of the average morning where you are. 

The challenge is not to think, but just "be". 

Linger a while over your drink, noticing the steam being snatched about by the breeze and the warm mug in your hands. 

Find ways to build other small moments for a brief moment of time to yourself throughout each day, whatever the day holds and in whichever setting or environment a given day means you find yourself. 

Use your skills to bring some little sources of comfort and focus, personal to you, with you -  as you navigate "today". 

Maybe re-purpose a small cosmetics bag / pencil case / sweet tin etc. to stash some bits and pieces to enjoy re-discovering on one of your mini-breaks throughout your day. 

Whatever works for you.  Forget the World.  Just support "you":for a few moments.

Perhaps: something to focus upon, a familiar fragrance, a quirky texture, an evocative happy memory, a sound which transports your mind to somewhere you like, a fidget item, something which makes you feel confident, a tiny Christmas cracker puzzle, a small favourite sweet, maybe a tiny notebook and short pencil to enable a doodle or with which to capture a thought - the possibilities are as broad as your imagination or creativity and do not need to be "age appropriate" - just whatever works for your as true-to-self preferred (now is not the time for masking or fitting-in).

Add just one more type of thing to your portable comfort stash: something to facilitate the possibility of this type of event: a point of contact with someone else in need / precipitate a random act of kindness / share the tribulations of an adversity / trouble-shoot a problem situation. 

Your own ideas will be more meaningful - however, here are some "for instance" suggestions to kick-start your thoughts (because high emotions can make us feel exhausted -:and that is allowed, rather than to be fought): a pocket packet, a safety pin, a needle and thread, a couple of coins for a public phone / car park / snack vending machine, a wet wipe sachet, a small plastic bag for refuse, a silly sticker to amuse or distract child.  The idea is to give yourself the opportunity to help improve another person's day - and in doing so - provide some grounding and validation of your own "today".

You already have the life skills "toolkit" which served you well thus far, you are beginning to learn some new skills as you find out some more around what Autism means to you personally and in supporting your loved one through their ill health - you may experience / encounter new people, changes to routine, unusual settings and unaccustomed emotions.  That is a lot of flux so building in and prioritising regular recuperation time is essential. 

That is all OK - because you can do that (remember that you have your comfort pack in your pocket / bag for a mini-break to recharge your personal energy levels).

You have the skills (or access to newly demanded skills), you might need to deploy some renewed determination, focus and prioritisation ...to deploy them in support of your own self care.

Emotions, all of them, each of them, any if them are always valid.  They belong to you.  You own them and they can serve you well.  Other people are exactly that "other".  The business of emotions is not a competition - it is personal to you, your body, your mind, your spirit, your motivation, your energy, your solace, yourself.  Never worry about what another person thinks about your emotions.  They are for you to acknowledge, experience, validate, harness and receive feedback and guidance.  It can feel a bit of a rollercoaster - we are not robots or computers - so that is to be expected.  It is OK.

Be true to your needs, listen to the hints and tips your body / mind gives you. 

The extra challenge for some Autistic people around emotions may include: magnitude, frequency, absence or a delayed expression, feedback or experience, an overwhelm with scant warning etc. 

There is no need to apply judgement / embarrassment / worry / panic.  It is natural for us and we can learn to better recognise ourselves.

Even if your loved one may not communicate so, they will know you are doing your best in difficult circumstances.  Your challenge is to be kind to yourself and trust in yourself on that same realisation.

We each of us are doing our best in life, that is all we or anyone else can expect of us. 

Sure, it can be true that we might not always be at our best, we are human.

We may need to slow busyness down now and again, we may need to take some breaks during our "today". 

If we are at risk of paying insufficient attention to our needs ...our emotions will be the messengers to remind us!

We may find that we need to really recuperate thoroughly from a particularly trying "today".  That is not laziness, rather, that is essential maintenance.

We can do all these things, our way, as we have resilience / skills / resourcefulness.  We know how to seek guidance and support.  We are human.  We are doing our best.  Even when not at our best ...we can trust in the knowledge that our intentions are still at their best.

...and by "we" I definitely include "you" too.  You are doing your best.