My 3.7month old is suspected neurodivergent/we’ve had several people suggest autism (however I don’t know enough to definitively say). We’re on a waiting list for a paediatric assessment.
when she was 1-2 she attended nursery and seemed ok at the setting. She had some usual drop off tears but nothing too dramatic.
since she turned two she’s developed some very obvious dislikes/distress for certain social setttings. Other children seem to upset her in large groups or if they attempt to engage with her. Usually if places are very busy she can get overwhelmed, also if we go somewhere and she’s been shut in or it’s unfamiliar.
we’ve had another baby and now she’s got some very serious attachment to me and her sister. She can even get really upset when I put her sister to bed, when I’m putting her down for a nap etc. I also can’t leave her anywhere, at all at the moment.
we have been trying to find a suitable setting again for her for around a year and due to her being so attached to me and also her upset at new environments it’s becoming so so difficult.
the first nursery encouraged us just to leave her and she’ll get used to it. This lasted about a month for a few hours a couple of times a week and I decided to pull her out. She was screaming on the floor for around an hour most days being left to soothe herself really. And by the time I picked her up some days she was completely zoned out and didn’t even notice me in front of her for a moment or two. She wouldn’t eat/drink whilst there or let people near her.
I tried an outdoor, nature setting with two childminders who were made fully aware of the situation. They informed me they have other children who have asd, one being non verbal children and nothing phases them. I bought all the kit, talked it up to my daughter….Push came to shove and they told me to go but stay nearby on the first day because it would help. She became utterly hysterical trying to escape. My understanding is that the door to the hall way wasn’t secure and she ran through it near the dog. They then bodily lifted her while she was having a full blown meltdown into another room for safety reasons. They watched her for 30 minutes and then told me she couldn’t come back because they think she’s autistic and it’s a health and safety issue if there was a fire. Also said some questionable things about people on the spectrum. It was all really upsetting and just further distressed my daughter, causing more upset about being left.
I have been trying to get my nearly 2 year old into a setting to give some relief in the week so I can still work 2 days a week and to give my eldest a morning a week with me and her to go swimming (adores it). I’m hoping this helps boost her independence again away from her little sister. So she can see it’s still fun without her.
my question is what do I do next? I’m at a loss. Even on nursery visits for my little one she’s been utterly distraught. It’s like she’s traumatised and I just have no idea if I should be trying to go a different route, if I’m holding her back by not trying to be more forceful with it. I’ve got no support or knowledge on how to handle this and the last thing I want to do is to keep forcing her into something that’s making her so upset.
is there anyone who has been in a similar situation that has handled it well and has some advice??
thank you so much.
