• Replies 3 replies
  • Subscribers 67 subscribers
  • Views 77 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Grief

Currilena

Hi. New to this group. Does anyone have any experience of how to support an adult child through grief? The grief is not related to a bereavement but a band that my daughter was in, that has ended. Music is a very important part of her life and she is inconsolable to the extent of self harm. She feels 'stuck' and unable to move forward. Doesn't want to form a new band, wants the old one back, which isn't possible. Im trying to educate myself and learn as much as possible about autism but its a steep learning curve. My family just think she needs to 'get over it'. I totally get that she can't but its so hard to see your child unhappy and feel powerless to help them. Thanks for reading. I feel quite alone and isolated. 

  • Hello and welcome to the community.

    I empathise, but I don't think there is much you can do except be there to listen and reassure as necessary. I would also suggest she speaks to her doctor as they can prescribe medication or refer her for therapy if they think it would help, just to get her through this.

    You could also suggest she join this community for support.

    Remember that it will pass in time. All the best to you both.

  • It may feel like an unpleasant combination of bereavement (grief), change, and transition - all unwelcome and all at the same time.

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/bereavement

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/dealing-with-change

    (The "transition" context is not well written-up outside of starting / changing school etc. but the similar considerations still apply.  In your Daughter's situation; some of the bereavement steps may take a while to process at her own speed - before she may become receptive to the other techniques).

    Is there another interest (which would not remind her of the band etc.)? - if, so, perhaps try promoting things to do with that other interest as a worthwhile and grounding distraction?

  • If I could compile a list of all the things I'd want back I'd still be writing three weeks from now - and none of them are feasible. 

    The other thing is that quite a few weren't that great (if I am honest) but time has made me feel that they were, and I've forgotten the downside, and only feel the losses stacking up.

    I do feel the pain here.  I understand the sense of loss, and if I had a £ for every time someone has told me to get over something I'd be wealthy. What does saying that actually achieve?

    I have cPTSD so I get it.  I tend to look back in anguish, you might say.  

    I can't wave a wand and form a new band here but I do suggest your daughter find another.  Get in touch with former bandmates, and see what they are doing now.  What band have they joined?

    Speak to your GP about social prescribing.  It is essentially about joining people with activities and groups in their area that may be of benefit. 

    https://www.england.nhs.uk/personalisedcare/social-prescribing/

    It is a hard route back, but she can do it.  Good luck.