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Child in and out of foster care

CeeDee

I'm a single mum with a 5 y/o boy. I'm autistic and as far as I know he's neurotypical with no challenging behaviour.  But I have a social worker to help me out because I'm autistic and she has suggested my son goes into foster care just for respite to give me a break if I'm struggling or just need time on my own but knowing he's safe. I'm not sure if this is a good idea even though it's not permanent and I can bring him home whenever I want and see him whenever I want. The social worker said I will still have complete control over him. 

I don't have much of a family, I don't have a mother and my father died 3 years ago from a terminal illness  and my sister and I dont get on . My son's father is in prison. So I'm totally alone which is why the social worker is here to help look after my son and she just feels respite in foster care will be good for him and for me. 

What would you do in this situation? Is this a good idea? My son is only 5 but understands quite a lot and he knows he's loved by me.

Parents

  • I have known individuals who foster and have kids on occasion. It's a bit like a vetted babysitting service, it seems.

    First, I wouldn't agree to anything unless you can get assistance with your Legal Rights. Make sure they're in an email, in bullet-points and you feel a clarity about them. Even if you have a little bit of doubt about the details, ask until it makes sense. It is technically illegal to hold anyone to a contract they don't understand. 

    If this is an option to help you become more grounded and stable, so you can better parent in the long term, it might not be a bad thing. BUT - I would expect to spend time getting to know the foster family my son would be cared by. If this isn't an option, I would never agree. Your son needs to rely on you and part of that is trusting your relationship with those you're entrusting to care for him. 

    If the foster care continually changes, it could be potentially destabilising for him. 

    Last, if you felt the terms of this situation could be beneficial, I would work with your social worker to create an exact plan for a Trial Period. For instance, once you've gotten to know the family, then set a 3 month period where your son is with them 2 days of the week. Such as a Friday and Saturday. Simultaneously I might plan to take a full day off and a full day at the library or on a course or learning something of interest. 

    This is just an example. 

    Do you work? Has your son started school?

    I don't have much family, but I've learned that family can be made. Learning to invest in friendships and relationships takes a bit of work and I needed a step-by-step guide when I was younger. What are you interested in? Can you find groups which align with these things? It is really important to find community. 

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  • I have known individuals who foster and have kids on occasion. It's a bit like a vetted babysitting service, it seems.

    First, I wouldn't agree to anything unless you can get assistance with your Legal Rights. Make sure they're in an email, in bullet-points and you feel a clarity about them. Even if you have a little bit of doubt about the details, ask until it makes sense. It is technically illegal to hold anyone to a contract they don't understand. 

    If this is an option to help you become more grounded and stable, so you can better parent in the long term, it might not be a bad thing. BUT - I would expect to spend time getting to know the foster family my son would be cared by. If this isn't an option, I would never agree. Your son needs to rely on you and part of that is trusting your relationship with those you're entrusting to care for him. 

    If the foster care continually changes, it could be potentially destabilising for him. 

    Last, if you felt the terms of this situation could be beneficial, I would work with your social worker to create an exact plan for a Trial Period. For instance, once you've gotten to know the family, then set a 3 month period where your son is with them 2 days of the week. Such as a Friday and Saturday. Simultaneously I might plan to take a full day off and a full day at the library or on a course or learning something of interest. 

    This is just an example. 

    Do you work? Has your son started school?

    I don't have much family, but I've learned that family can be made. Learning to invest in friendships and relationships takes a bit of work and I needed a step-by-step guide when I was younger. What are you interested in? Can you find groups which align with these things? It is really important to find community. 

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