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Struggling to Get My Daughter the Support She Needs – No Education Since Before Christmas

Whitey141175

Hi everyone,

I’m reaching out for advice and support regarding my 14-year-old daughter, who has wide spectrum autism and an EHCP. She has been out of education since before Christmas due to severe anxiety caused by bullying at her secondary school. Despite raising concerns repeatedly, the school and local authorities have not provided any real support, and I feel completely stuck in getting her the help she needs.

Key Issues:

• Bullying & Isolation: My daughter has been repeatedly bullied by the same pupils throughout her time at school. Although incidents have been reported multiple times, the bullying has continued, leaving her feeling unsafe. She has no friends, spends breaks and lunch alone or with staff, and feels completely unsupported.

• Severe School Anxiety & Mental Health Impact: Due to ongoing issues, she has developed severe anxiety and refuses to attend school. We are currently waiting for a CAMHS appointment, but in the meantime, she is at home with no access to education.

• No Education Since Before Christmas: Despite having an EHCP, no alternative provision has been put in place. I was under the impression that the local authority is responsible for ensuring she has access to education, but nothing has been arranged.

• Unfair Attendance Policies: Instead of offering real support, the school has been sending the attendance officer to check on her, which I find unfair. They are marking her absences as unauthorised, even though it is due to her mental health struggles. I’m now worried about being fined when the situation is completely beyond our control.

• School Blocking Communication: The school has stopped me from directly contacting the SENCO, stating that my emails were ‘too many’ (even though they were all within reason and about my daughter’s support). I now have to go through the school admin team when emailing about my daughter’s needs, making communication even harder.

• Struggles Finding a New School: At the recent EHCP annual review, the school is making out that my daughter should stay there, but both she and I strongly believe she needs to move to a specialist school. I have tried going through the school’s complaints procedure, but I have gotten nowhere.

Attempts to Resolve the Situation:

• I have made formal complaints to the school and the local authority, but I feel like I’m being ignored or passed around.

• Despite her EHCP, she is receiving no education at home—shouldn’t the local authority be providing alternative education if she can’t attend school?

• I am desperate for help in securing a specialist school placement, but the process is slow, and I feel completely unsupported.

What Can I Do?

I am extremely worried about getting fined for her absence when it is genuinely due to her mental health and wellbeing. Shouldn’t the local authority be providing education since she’s at home? Has anyone been through a similar situation with school refusal due to mental health? How can I push for support or escalate this further?

Any advice would be really appreciated—I just want my daughter to feel safe, supported, and have access to education.

Thanks,

Mark

  • I don’t really have anything to offer in ways of advice but I just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you and I hope you’re able to get a satisfactory outcome.

    Best wishes

  • What a nightmare for you - I’m sorry. I went through a kind of hell dealing with the way various schools handled my son’s difficulties while he was at school. He had an EHCP and I assumed this was the ‘gold standard’ and would mean they had to give him the help he needed - but in my experience that just didn’t happen. My son (who is autistic and had Selective Mutism, OCD, anxiety etc) was completely failed by the education system. Telling this isn’t exactly helpful though I realise! 
    I think you’re right to complain formally about the situation. Keep detailed records and get everything in writing. I’ve no idea to what extent the LA will provide the help your daughter needs however. But it’s worth persisting : keep steely calm in your contacts with everyone you deal with - I know its tremendously emotional but it’s important that you don’t give them an excuse to disengage from working with you to find a solution that’s in your daughters best interests.

    MOST IMPORTANTLY: it’s important to focus on your daughter’s well being right now. Education is important - but her happiness and well being is even more important. Try to see this time at home as an opportunity for her to have some freedom from the very stressful school environment- and for her to do some activities that she actually enjoys. This can be turned into a positive time if she can enjoy aspects of it. 
    My son majorly struggled in school and had a long period of school refusal - but he’s still a very intelligent and wonderful person - school isn’t the only thing that matters and it’s important to keep it in perspective. Sometimes school is causing more harm than good - and when that happens our children need to know that there’s more to life than school. It sounds like your daughter needs a break and to be able to find ways to heal from her painful experiences and start to enjoy life again. I wish you both well - I can vividly remember how stressful this was. You’ll get through it - one day it will all just be a memory and you will have moved on from this very unsatisfactory and stressful situation. Good luck! 

  • All this aside, can you take her to the library? Have her find a few subjects she likes and a few fiction books. Allow her to read according to her interests. Allow her interests to expand into all the subjects. And then find maybe a yoga or martial arts class, maybe local swimming lessons or whatever sport she'd like to try out. I let my son try everything for years. Eventually a few things stuck. 

    Get her gardening or even playing with make up application, which requires geometry and art. The best thing we can do is expose our children to a wide variety of possibilities and then allow their natural creativity to help them learn. 

    I do know there's a company called Sunshine Support who may be able to help!

  • Hi Mark

    You might find the guidance here helpful:

    NAS - Resolving differences in England (ie with your daughter's school, and local or education authority) - including advice about mediation and disability discrimination.

    NAS - Education choices in England - including advice about mainstream vs specialist schools, and home education.

    NAS - Difficulties at lunch and break times - including advice about supervision and bullying. 

    The education section also has other, related articles that you might also find helpful.