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telling your child their diagnosis

simon

Hi -my son is 8 years old and diagnonsed with high functioning autism 18 months ago. He struggles with social situations, making friends and staying calm as well as managing his immense anxiety. He has a part time LSA at school.  

We have so far not told him his diagnosis as we felt it would not really help him and might be detrimental. We talk in terms of him having difficulties others don't and needing support for this reason.  However, we feel that it may be time to tell him he has ASD and then linked to this maybe to be more open about his diagnosiswith others as well. (we wouldn't do this if he doesn't know himself).

However, we don't want him to feel labelled and for this to have a negative effect. Opinion seems to be divided on whether it is a good idea to tell a child this age when they are high functioning asit is perhaps not so obvious to others with these children.  Not sure if this post makes sense...hope it does! Appreciate thoughts.  Thank you.

Parents

  • Hi Simon,

       I have two boys with ASD and co-occuring specific learning difficulties and both took thier diagnosis in different ways. One I was able to tell myself in a measured and controlled fashion and he embraced it and looked for ways to help himself manage his difficulties, the other found out by a thoughtless consultant who should have been more sensitive. He's remained in denial until quite recently. Both however were a little older than your child when diagnosed. They are now teenagers.

    As a parent my thought was that of openess all round, but each child is different. You know your son best and are likely to know how best he may respond and how to tell him. Preparation for the news is key here I think. I thought my son (in denial) would embrace his diagnosis in a positive way, but at the time he just wanted to be like everyone else and hide his disability. I'm sure their must be advice on telling children about their condition, sadly i wasn't given any and our consultant just blurted it out to my son with no warning. We weren't given a chance to explain things to him and he didn't understand the diagnosis and was convinced he had something terminal, which wasn't helpful. I'm sure this contributed greatly, to how badly he dealt with his diagnosis.

    Masking his difficulties has been very tiring for him ever since and he still suffers with great anxiety. I wish in a way he had been diagnosed earlier so as to give him a chance to process it all more slowly and also that we had been afforded the chance to break it to him ourselves, but we can't turn back time.

    At a recent doctors appointment we were in the waiting room and he spotted a child with ASD sitting on his mums lap and sensory seeking. He immediately recognised himself at that age and brought it to my attention. He will never be comfortable with his condition, but he is coming to terms with it and now he's more accepting and clearly recognises his traites in others. I often think that until we accept, we don't move forward, but perhaps thats just my musing.

    I'm sure your son has some very unique gifts being on the spectrum and i always find it helpful to focus on the positives when speaking with my boys. I wish you luck in your decision.

    Regards

    Coogybear

Reply

  • Hi Simon,

       I have two boys with ASD and co-occuring specific learning difficulties and both took thier diagnosis in different ways. One I was able to tell myself in a measured and controlled fashion and he embraced it and looked for ways to help himself manage his difficulties, the other found out by a thoughtless consultant who should have been more sensitive. He's remained in denial until quite recently. Both however were a little older than your child when diagnosed. They are now teenagers.

    As a parent my thought was that of openess all round, but each child is different. You know your son best and are likely to know how best he may respond and how to tell him. Preparation for the news is key here I think. I thought my son (in denial) would embrace his diagnosis in a positive way, but at the time he just wanted to be like everyone else and hide his disability. I'm sure their must be advice on telling children about their condition, sadly i wasn't given any and our consultant just blurted it out to my son with no warning. We weren't given a chance to explain things to him and he didn't understand the diagnosis and was convinced he had something terminal, which wasn't helpful. I'm sure this contributed greatly, to how badly he dealt with his diagnosis.

    Masking his difficulties has been very tiring for him ever since and he still suffers with great anxiety. I wish in a way he had been diagnosed earlier so as to give him a chance to process it all more slowly and also that we had been afforded the chance to break it to him ourselves, but we can't turn back time.

    At a recent doctors appointment we were in the waiting room and he spotted a child with ASD sitting on his mums lap and sensory seeking. He immediately recognised himself at that age and brought it to my attention. He will never be comfortable with his condition, but he is coming to terms with it and now he's more accepting and clearly recognises his traites in others. I often think that until we accept, we don't move forward, but perhaps thats just my musing.

    I'm sure your son has some very unique gifts being on the spectrum and i always find it helpful to focus on the positives when speaking with my boys. I wish you luck in your decision.

    Regards

    Coogybear

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