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Child's aggressive tone of voice

Navigating the pathway

My son (10) is currently on the asd pathway, I am trying to navigate this new world so excuse me if this question seems strange or ill worded. When even slightly inconvenienced he has quite an aggressive tone of voice, he doesn't appear to be aware of it and when confronted with it doesn't see that he has done anything that could cause upset or why someone would misunderstand. Whilst most of his friends have a tolerances understanding of this, whilst playing on video games it is starting to cause a problem with people not understanding and thinking he is being hurtful, and hom recieving some backlash, Does anyone else have experience of this? Will it improve? Is there anything I can do to help him to hear it or ease it.

Thank you in advance.

Parents

  • I think the first step is aknowledging is that his indignation at being critasised for this is ligitimate. There is a difrence between angry and frustrated and being angry is not a sin. He's being treated as if he's being unreasionable or short tempered but from his point of view he's probably controling his temper quite well. Because to him controling his temper is about controling his actions about which he is consiously aware. He's probably not aware of his tone of voice and you are probably on a losing path if you are determined to make him 'hear' it. More viable is to help him see the effect it has on others. He won't belive it's an issue if you keep demanding he 'hears' something only you seem to hear. But if you show him how it effects the way others treat him he may become emotionaly invested in trying to put some sort of coping strategy in place.

Reply

  • I think the first step is aknowledging is that his indignation at being critasised for this is ligitimate. There is a difrence between angry and frustrated and being angry is not a sin. He's being treated as if he's being unreasionable or short tempered but from his point of view he's probably controling his temper quite well. Because to him controling his temper is about controling his actions about which he is consiously aware. He's probably not aware of his tone of voice and you are probably on a losing path if you are determined to make him 'hear' it. More viable is to help him see the effect it has on others. He won't belive it's an issue if you keep demanding he 'hears' something only you seem to hear. But if you show him how it effects the way others treat him he may become emotionaly invested in trying to put some sort of coping strategy in place.

Children
  • in reply to Peter

    Thank you for your response, however, It is not my intention to make him feel that I am undermining his feeling, critisising or demanding anything of him. If my previous post implied that, then I would like to correct this narrative and maybe I didn't explain myself well enough, we have had the conversations as you mentioned, however having been in a situation today whereby an adult on their child's behalf has yelled and sworn at him because of the nature of the way he talks, and me knowing there was no ill intention behind it, I worried that this is something he will face time and again.