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Hi and welcome to the community.

SN53 said:

I can't seem to regulate properly - everything just gets overwhelming and I find myself melting down.

SN53 said:

how do you regulate and avoid meltdowns / being overwhelmed

I'm still in the early stages of my own post-diagnostic journey, so don't feel sufficiently well-equipped to offer any personal words of wisdom.

However, you might find some of the advice here - including suggested strategies - helpful:

NAS - Autistic fatigue - a guide for autistic adults

NAS - Meltdowns

NAS - What support can I get at work as an autistic person?

NAS - Family relationships