Hello, I'm hoping for some advice because I don't know what to do.
My 14yo daughter (D) with ASD (diagnosed 4 months ago) has extremely low mood, low self esteem and struggles to understand how she's feeling. She has been self harming on and off for around 9 months. About a week ago we (mum and I) found suicide notes in her room. For around 2 months she has been skipping meals and has lost quite a bit of weight.
On Thursday evening, she had skipped breakfast and maybe lunch (she was at school but didn't spend any money so we assume she didn't buy any lunch). In the evening, mum made her one of her favourite meals (pasta with pesto) but she refused to eat any of it. I tried to speak to her about her feelings and what was causing her to not want to eat but she wouldn't engage, usually just responding with "I don't know" or silence. With the self harming, suicide notes and now not eating at all, mum and I were just so worried that she was going to kill herself that I suggested we go to hospital. She initially refused to go but later said "I think I'm a danger to myself" and agreed to go.
D and I spent the night in hospital. The doctors were great, so reassuring and understanding. The one thing which stuck out for me was that when D was asked whether she hears voices she responded that she does, and that they are quite negative voices, sometimes telling her to do bad things. Apparently this is fairly common, especially in children with ASD, and is not a sign of more serious mental illness, but it was a big shock to me.
In the morning, D was in a much better mood and felt like she wanted to go home. The mental health liaison said that they were happy for her to be discharged, they also worked with us to put together an action plan for when D is feeling emotionally overwhelmed.
Yesterday we had a long chat about changes we can make. These include:
- Finding a face to face counsellor (we have tried online counselling but she doesn't respond well to it)
- Putting her plan into action when she's feeling emotionally overwhelmed, which is to do deep breathing and let her to listen to music in her room
- Mum not making so much eye contact with her, apparently this was really bothering her
- Not mentioning "autism" so much as she finds this really annoying
- D agreeing to not go on TikTok first thing in the morning as it could be lowering her mood at the start of the day
I thought things might be improving, and we had a lovely night last night, with a takeaway and watching a film all together on the sofa, all felt completely normal. At around midnight, however, I heard her crying in the bathroom. I was very worried about her so, despite her not wanting me to, I unlocked the door and went in. She had been cutting herself on her lower arm with a razor blade and had about 8 cuts, the worst about 1mm deep, 50mm in length. I cleaned up the wounds and comforted her. She kept saying "I'm sorry". I reassured her that she had nothing to apologise for and that I just wanted to help her.
She said that she'd started feeling very sad in bed and thought she'd try cutting herself because usually it helps, however, it hadn't helped that time. She doesn't know why she was feeling sad. On top of everything else I've mentioned, our cat died this week and she was close to him so this will definitely be adding to her sadness.
Now I really don't know what to do. I'm incredibly worried that she will take her own life, and even if she doesn't, she's on a road to self destruction with self harming and not eating properly. The main issue seems to be that she cannot regulate or understand her emotions, and just feels so completely overwhelmed by negative emotions that she will do anything to make them stop. I don't know how to talk to her about this, and it often feels like I'm asking the wrong questions.
Has anyone else been through anything similar? Any advice greatly appreciated.
