Counselling for parents

Hi Amanda, I too am the mother of a 10 year old high functioning child, who was only diagnosed with ASD at the turn of 2014. For me the diagnosis wasn't particular helpful in that I suppose I was really oblivious as to many of his difficulties as they were mostly associated to the school environment and until his recent change of schooll other tHan them saying he needed to learn to manage his emotions the word autism was never mentioned. There is a level of obvious elation in that my son had struggled throughout all of his school life and finally for him things were about to become easier due to people now understandubg his needs and actually supporting him fully. I have also spent a lot of time reading and attendin courses to help me gain an understanding but even now I often find myself being baffled at trying yto understand a condition that i suppose differs so vastly across the specturm and as a consequence I often feel dismayed by the end of it all. I as a parent has and continues to question why I didn't notice the signs earlier and I suffer with guilt at the thought of the anxiety he has suffered throughout his life and may continue to suffer in the future. I wish I could wrap him up in cotton wool to prevent any future pain that he may feel as he grows and develops. I'm anxious about the transition from primary to secondary school and fear for him knowing his own aniexry  is likely to be unmeasurable . Whilst I know he still has a future, one which can be positive and bright and if surrounded by the right people  his anxieties can be minimised and supported, however even now I find myself worrying about what will be in the future , especially if I am not around to make sure it goes as well as possible . I do feel counselling services would be beneficial as whlst I still feel some grief for the 'expected' life for my son, my fears for his future are unfortunately  far greater. 

My son has been very recently diagnosed. I don't know about counselling but I do feel left hanging and a bit unsure as to what to do next. a parent support group at a time I could actually make would be really useful just to meet other parents in the same boat and discuss strategies. 

I think I probably needed counselling before the diagnosis.  At times, I did feel a kind of grief for the daughter I thought I had lost because I didn't understand what was going on and put a lot of her changes in behaviour (she was a very docile, obliging pre-schooler) down to my splitting up with her dad.  

Finally getting the diagnosis, 4 years after starting to suspect ASD, was a huge relief.  I went to the meeting expecting to be told yet again, that my daughters problems were my fault so to be told she had a 'clear diagnosis' was the best thing I could have heard.

Since then (Feb this year), I could probably have done with support rather than counselling.  I think we are probably missing out on opportunities for support because I don't know how to access it and although this site is helpful, support available seems to be different in each county.

When my youngest was diagnosed, they broke the news to me as if they were giving me some traumatic news and awaiting an outpouring of emotion.

They overlooked the fact that I self-referred my child, I had sent them a 20+ page report on all her difficulties and therefore was clearly expecting an autism diagnosis.

The fact that I am an Aspie myself and I saw the diagnosis as a logical outcome of a process (which I expected), and also as a relief that they recognised her condition and I didn't have to battle for a second opinion or anything, meant I was very unperturbed by the outcome and this probably wasn't what they were expecting.

I think money should be ploughed into supporting autism as a condition more than counselling for it.  Counselling is available on the NHS when people need it anyway.  A sense of loss or grief is the same whatever the cause so I don't think specific autism-related grief counselling is necessary.

I agree with most of the comments.  I think though counselling should be available for parents if they want it.  Having said that from a personal point of view, I remember feeling a huge sense of relief once we got my son's diagnosis.  I remember thinking, ok so now we can move forward. 

Hi - as IW has said, most parents are aware their child's is being assessed for autism.  They may come on sites such as this, read relevant books etc to prepare themselves for the diagnosis so they know more about autism + how to best help their child.  There are some parents who go into denial about the diagnosis so whether they wd seek counselling is very debatable.  A minority of parents speak about feeling "bereaved".  The child they expected to have isn't the 1 they got.  So perhaps for this small?? category counselling might be helpful?  I'm not even sure about that, to be honest.  If counselling was available on the nhs, then I think a pathway needs to be worked out about when/if to offer it.  I certainly don't think it should be offered as a matter of course.  Perhaps a minority of parents who feel  bereaved could be identified then that could be mentioned to them?  If someone had offered me counselling after my son was diagnosed it would have made me very upset because the implication is that you need psychological help because your child has been diagnosed as autistic.  What parents need, imo, is useful info + a system that puts the child + family at the heart of what it does so that their "journey" isn't traumatic.  But, don't get me on to that 1 !!

I am inclined to agree and feel that personally counselling is not something that I would find particularly necessary.  Generally once the diagnosis has been given you are left to get on with it in much the same way as being a new parent and being discharged from a health visitor. I am happy with this approach. Everyone however is different and there may be that there is a need for a service such as this in some cases.

I think that despite the raft of emotions a diagnosis can bring, most parents are surely relieved to know the reason for their child's difficulties and also in most cases I would have thought it was an expected outcome as they knew what their child was being assessed for.

Therefore, I think counselling is likely unnecessary for most parents.