Going back to school after the easter break

I am so glad that it is not just me that is struggling through this!  My poor son is hardly sleeping despite me upping his melatonin, and his tummy is really playing up as well, so the washing machine is on the go the whole time.  I have noticed though, he does seem less distressed than he was after Christmas, or rather he is more able to cope, and I am putting this down to ths sertraline beginning to kick in.  It iwll be interesting to see how tomorrow night goes and Thursday morning which is his first day back.  I hope it all went ok for those of you who had little ones going back today

Both of mine have been getting really anxious and tearful about going back to school, it's very hard to deal with.  My youngest was up in the night (despite melatonin) last night and waking me up.  I now feel ill with lack of sleep today.

 Amandajj thank you.  my little hooligan doesn't go back until Thursday, so he is just getting going with the anxieties, bless him!!   I am going to drive him in rather than send him on the schhol bus for the first couple of days to see if that will make any difference to him. Let me know how things go

Hi, sorry I can't offer you any tips but i just wanted to share that my little one for the past couple of days has been getting more and more anxious about school.  It is so hard to see them struggling whilst feeling so helpless.  Mine has started back on his melatonin tonight because of school and he hates having to take that but without that he would still be bouncing around in the early hours.  

I really wish you and little one all the best for tomorrow x 

misskittykat said:

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Misskittykat my son 's school is large, there are 1400 childrenn there.  He is able to go up to the sanctuary all day if he needs to, which is really good, he would much rather that I took him out of school too, but he would not comply with home schooling, and I worry that I would never get him back into school.  Our choices are really limited as this is the only school that has specialist staff and support, and we are a rural area, so like you we would have to travel 30miles to go to another not as 

My daughters school is 1800 with the 6th form and although has a learning disability base, its expertise is dyslexia.  There are 40 children with ASD at the school but there is nothing specific in place for them.  My daughter didn't get to use the Learning Support room because she didn't fit their criteria (in other words, they didn't have enough money) and they seemed to want the time out/therapy room to only be used in real emergencies.  Since my daughter stopped going in November, I've heard of two more swapping schools (at a very long drive for her mother) and another being in the same position as my daughter, sitting at home waiting for something to happen.

I don't home ed.  I haven't 'taken' her out of school.  She is just unable to attend because of her anxiety. I refuse to deregister her because then I will be liable to educate her (which I couldn't do) and LEA can wash their hands of her.  At the moment, she gets a tutor come to the house (from the local Learning Centre) once a week for 2 hours and 3 online lessons.  The tutor understands my daughters needs perfectly and has built up a good relationship with her.  She's so much happier now than she ever was and I'm begining to think there is more to life than a traditional education and a couple of gcse's if we are lucky.  She's a bright child but she doesn't learn well in a classroom situation.  I'm hoping the SEN team are going to come up with something for her if they statement her and if not, well, god knows what we'll do.  There is no school in the county with an ASD unit so the only choice is to carry on the way we are or to travel to a special school.  I have noted that the LA have realised they are up a creek without a paddle when it comes to kids on the ASD as they have something on their website about a consultation for SEN but I suspect anything they plan to change won't happen in the next year or two so will come too late for my daughter.  All I can say is, thank god there is good provision 16 plus in the area.

Sorry, didn't mean to ramble so much and I'm not sure its so relevant to your original post! 

Please don't worry I totally get where you are coming from.  I got so lucky that the only school locally, had a specialist unit.  Even with this, his stress levels are so high he self harms, and regularly meltsdown at school, he has also tried to commit suicide.  If they can get him to the unit in time, they are able normally to get him to calm down, or they call me to get him.  There was one unfortunate incident where he had a meltdown in Drama class, as he didn't feel listened to.  The wrong teacher came to get him as his support assistant was busy, and he lost the plot, throwing chairs and shoes, he ended up breaking a childs arm.  He got suspended because of that.  The SENCO was in tears when she told me, as she felt they had really let him down.  I am battling at the moment to get a statement put in to place, with the schools backing, but I have been turned down, so am just in the process of appealing.

I wish I had some answers for you with your daughter and your situation, the NAS offer a specialist educational advisor, who can help you to fight the system, have you tried them at all??

crazydarkside said:

Misskittykat my son 's school is large, there are 1400 childrenn there.  He is able to go up to the sanctuary all day if he needs to, which is really good, he would much rather that I took him out of school too, but he would not comply with home schooling, and I worry that I would never get him back into school.  Our choices are really limited as this is the only school that has specialist staff and support, and we are a rural area, so like you we would have to travel 30miles to go to another not as 

My daughters school is 1800 with the 6th form and although has a learning disability base, its expertise is dyslexia.  There are 40 children with ASD at the school but there is nothing specific in place for them.  My daughter didn't get to use the Learning Support room because she didn't fit their criteria (in other words, they didn't have enough money) and they seemed to want the time out/therapy room to only be used in real emergencies.  Since my daughter stopped going in November, I've heard of two more swapping schools (at a very long drive for her mother) and another being in the same position as my daughter, sitting at home waiting for something to happen.

I don't home ed.  I haven't 'taken' her out of school.  She is just unable to attend because of her anxiety. I refuse to deregister her because then I will be liable to educate her (which I couldn't do) and LEA can wash their hands of her.  At the moment, she gets a tutor come to the house (from the local Learning Centre) once a week for 2 hours and 3 online lessons.  The tutor understands my daughters needs perfectly and has built up a good relationship with her.  She's so much happier now than she ever was and I'm begining to think there is more to life than a traditional education and a couple of gcse's if we are lucky.  She's a bright child but she doesn't learn well in a classroom situation.  I'm hoping the SEN team are going to come up with something for her if they statement her and if not, well, god knows what we'll do.  There is no school in the county with an ASD unit so the only choice is to carry on the way we are or to travel to a special school.  I have noted that the LA have realised they are up a creek without a paddle when it comes to kids on the ASD as they have something on their website about a consultation for SEN but I suspect anything they plan to change won't happen in the next year or two so will come too late for my daughter.  All I can say is, thank god there is good provision 16 plus in the area.

Sorry, didn't mean to ramble so much and I'm not sure its so relevant to your original post! 

@crazydarkside, my youngest was frequently difficult with home-education too, and it was her behaviour that made me put her back into school.  I have to remind myself of how bad it got when she begs me to take her out of school.

I agree that it's just so wrong that other children get away with making our children's lives so difficult.  This is down to their own upbringing and autism unawareness.  One thing I did with my youngest's school is to get Anna Kennedy in to do an autism awareness presentation in assembly ("Give us a Break" Campaign) and for the parents:

http://annakennedyonline.com/contact/

All it costs the school is a minimum £100 donation to the Anna Kennedy charity and hers and her training manager Austin's expenses to travel there.  The school needs to have a laptop or a device where Anna is able to play her DVD and a screen/projector for everyone to watch.  Anna and Austin will then start talking with the children and talk about bullying, Anna starts sharing her experiences and then shows a video on a projector screen. Then Austin/both will talk more about Autism and raise awareness among the peers. The whole assembly would last around an hour with questions afterwards from the children. If you wished to go with an evening afterwards just for parents and carers, the same would apply.

Good MOrning Everybody,

Misskittykat my son 's school is large, there are 1400 childrenn there.  He is able to go up to the sanctuary all day if he needs to, which is really good, he would much rather that I took him out of school too, but he would not comply with home schooling, and I worry that I would never get him back into school.  Our choices are really limited as this is the only school that has specialist staff and support, and we are a rural area, so like you we would have to travel 30miles to go to another not as good high school

Longman I have no doubt whatsoever that there are external voices adding on to my sons internal dialogue.  Thankfully the school and the teachers are very good, it is just the other children, who pick their moments to add to his problems, when teachers aren't looking.  My young man isn't always able to verbalise when this has happened to him, but he is brilliant at using, a pad, or laptop/ whiteboard to tell someone.  I don't view it as toughening up, I see it as children being cruel and I get so cross (not with my youngster) when I find yet more cuts that he has put on his arms, as a way of coping with the stress the others have inflicted.   I constantly liase with the school, CAMHS and the psychiatrists.  I think it is such a shame that people like my young man, who already have enough to cope with have more added to their plate by others who are ingnorant.

There is a book on this which seems to get a good grip on the issues, albeit from an American context, with different descriptions of school environments and infrastructures.

It is "Asperger Syndrome and Bullying Strategies and Solutions" by Nick Dubin, who is a psychologist in Detroit, who has aspergers, and drew inspiration for the book from his own experiences of being bullied. It does raise the sorts of issues parents should look out for. It is published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers in 2007 (ISBN 978-1-84310-846-7).

Chapter 1 describes his own experiences, and chapter 2 headed "Easy Targets: Children on the Autistic Spectrum" looks at the underlying causes - which he labels low frustration tolerance (sensory overload), monotropism (not being able to multi-task and being over-focussed), motor-difficulties, gullibility, auditory processing delays (takes longer to analyse something said), problems with reading non-verbal clues, special interests, lack of dating experience (right from early teens apparent naivity about sex in AS children gets picked on), cultural illiteracy (not knowing enough about social culture of their peers to be able to participate), lack of imagination (that ever present attribution, but which he translates as understanding the rules of imagined games), and odd use of language.

OK that's a huge list of issues. In the jungle of school, NT kids have to manage all of that to be accepted. Children on the spectrum haven't a hope of keeping up, so they get picked on for not being able to conform. 

The rest of the book looks at solutions and empowering, but just tends to be in American school contexts.

One of Nick Dubin's illustrations from his own experience is the door handle problem, to which I can concur, as it gets me all the time.

Well I'm pretty sure everyone gets this problem once in a while, but people on the spectrum get it a lot. If a handle or a key or a switch operates unconventionally most times it will fool someone on the spectrum. For some reason, if you have autism, you will keep trying the conventional or expected direction - you just wont try the opposite of expectation. It is something to do with focus.

What happened to Nick Dubin was his teachers made fun of his difficulty with doors, making him open doors for the class, knowing he'd get stuck every time, and making fun of him for it in front of his classmates. A number of the doors in his school turned the opposite direction, towards the opening side of the door, from what you'd expect. He couldn't ever work this out, despite being repeatedly made fun of for this by teachers.

And I'm afraid to say teachers will do this a lot, even with a disabled kid. Don't know why it isn't sorted in professional training, but it just seems to be something that happens a lot, maybe not with doorhandles, but with other foibles or difficulties an AS kid may have.

Self esteem is a crucial issue, and low self esteem can be lifelong issues in AS contexts. Anything you can do to understand the causes and if possible alleviate would be invaluable.

Is anyone telling him he is worthless and why should anyone talk to him? This might be due to reinforced negative thoughts building up his own self-assessment. But with autistic spectrum this message is likely to come from other children, other children's parents and teachers.

An important aspect is that kids repeat the "wisdom" of their parents. Other parents may have concerns about an autistic spectrum kid in the class, and express these concerns to their kids....the kids then repeat it. So even if teachers have explained autism to classsmates, this is a contrary image coming from another authority they respect.

This seems to be a little known phenomenon, probably because it is mis-information picked up by peers from other sources, and doesn't get gauged or reported as an issue for children on the spectrum.

Bullying is an ever present issue for children on the spectrum. It isn't just through being socially naive and not able to identify teasing or ribbing for what it is, other children will pick on the child that is different.

This is not like a few indiividuals stealing sweets and pocket money from weaker kids - this kind of bullying involves most classmates joining in at winding up the different kid. It is very isolating and demoralising. Teachers probably wont see what is going on, and assume it is just normal banter if they notice at all. Children suffering this often don't report it directly to their parents (sometimes for fear parental intervention could make things worse, or just under pressure to conform and put up with it, and because teasing and banter is after all, as so often said "part of growing up", "toughening up" etc., except it isn't if your social communication skills aren't up to the mark on fending it off).

Teachers may well join in, thinking it makes them look "with it" with the other kids in a class. Also teachers may simply aggravate the situation by appearing to condone or approve of what's going on, or taking issue with an AS child's difficulties in front of the class.

If a young schoolchild has very low self esteem, external agents may well be a factor. It takes time for self-inflicted low self esteem to evolve. A 12 year old with low self esteem and these kind of messages in his head is probably getting this from external reinforcement.

Just to let you know you aren't alone.  My youngest especially has had a darkening of mood as the school holidays draw to a close.  She says she hates school and wants me to do something about it (which in he mind means take her out).

The school sounds pretty good - I'd talk to them on the morning he goes back.  I'd say its normal for most ASD kids to be a little anxious after a school holiday so they should be prepared.  If it were needed, could he stay in the unit all the time?  Is it a big school?  I'm only asking for personal reasons - I can't ever see my daughter going back to mainstream school but there is no other immediate choice without travelling a good distance each day.

Hi crystal,

my son goes to a high school, which has a specialist unit for children with all types of ASD, it is brilliant with him and so accomodating.  He is able to leave lessons when he is stressed and go to the unit, he also has been pulled out of lessons that he finds hard like geography and just spends them in the support unit, doing things like cooking. He is doing 4 half days at the moment, until his meds and counselling have fully helped.  The school are also orgnising and paying for him to have private swimming lessons, as my son loves the pool and water.  It is just the unwritten rules of the classroom where he feels he has to conform and talking to people face to face that he finds so very difficult

Hi - not a tip unfortunately, but a couple of questions.  What support does he get at school?  Is there a school that would suit him better?  It's so sad that some of our children suffer so much + have to take ssri's in an effort to cope with what life throws at them.  They are so let down in so many ways, as are the adults.