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Lengthy Autistic Rituals - Seeking advice

Reverb

My ten-year-old son has had a recent uptick in anxiety that has caused him to engage in very repetitive rituals before going to bed at night (moving a small trash can back and forth, swinging the bedroom door, rinsing his mouth and drinking water at the bathroom sink, etc.). When we ask him if there are ways to reduce the time these rituals take so that he is able to get a full night's sleep, he gets very angry with us and says that he will be unable to sleep and "so sad" if he cannot complete them. Due to drinking a lot of water at the bathroom sink, he is also waking up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, and then he has to complete some of these rituals again before he can go back to sleep. Unfortunately, these rituals have been delaying his sleep by up to three hours on some nights, not to mention interrupting his sleep. This morning, he added some rituals to his morning routine and we were unable to leave the house on time for school. When he is not in the middle of these rituals, he seems much more willing to reduce them, but then we get to that time of day and he is unable to stop himself.

We are aware that addressing the root cause of his anxiety would probably be the most helpful, but he says he doesn't know what is causing him stress, so this approach seems impossible.

Although these are clearly compulsive behaviors, I do not think this is OCD. The rituals aren't driven by any specific fear or feeling that something bad will happen if he doesn't complete them -- just that he will be unable to sleep and/or feel sad. He explains that they are self-soothing, which we are supportive of, but the lack of sleep is detrimental to his health and is probably adding to his anxiety.

We have contacted a therapist and will move forward with professional help, but since beginning that process will take a little while, I thought I would reach out to see if anyone has experienced anything similar or has any advice.

Thank you in advance for being kind. We are trying our best.

  • My son does have some rituals before bedtime, one of them is when he’s brushed his teeth he will put his toothbrush under the tap and drink water from it. Most the time he does it 5 times but sometimes he does it 30 or even 50 times. He finds these things soothing so I’m supportive for that reason. I did some similar things when I was younger and with bedtime being quite scary for me it bought me more time as well. 
    Im sorry I can’t give you advice but as others have mentioned I think these things can lessen over time. I guess it’s a cleverly worked out coping mechanism to gain some control which at least gives him some comfort.

    Sorry I couldn’t be more helpful and I hope things settle down for you all

  • I suggest you might start doing them with him. First ask, "can I help?" And then allow him to delegate responsibility. Engage with him on the task and ask How this is beneficial / important. Don't expect him to answer immediately, it may take time to work out how these things allow him to feel at ease or how they create a 'fluidity' for his life. 

    Next I might also suggest to ensure he's getting enough salt in his diet. Add minerals. Sometimes a banana or other potassium rich fruit/veg/nuts can help. But also, a magnesium topical spray before bed is something many rave about. By spraying it on the skin, the body intakes what it needs rather than too much. I've been reading a lot on ancient diets recently as there's a growing concern grains, nuts and legumes can rob our body of nutrients if not soaked properly. Coupling this with finding peer reviewed research on the possibility that a more animal-rich diet may be better for Autistics in general. I've gotten into the habit of supplementing with high pH mineral content spring water and even a shot of pure cranberry several times a week (cut with pure grape it can be really helpful for staying hydrated).