10 yr old autistic daughter being badly bullied.

Just wanted to put this out there to see if anyone has had a similar experience. I’m quite overwhelmed in all honestly, as a parent it’s very difficult to watch my daughter struggle so intensely. I have 4 children, and my youngest is 6 months old. In the last 4 months, My 10 year old is on the autistic pathway. Camhs say they have substantial evidence to diagnose for autism and adhd. School also support this (and have been very helpful.) my daughter has always been on the outside of social groups. And boys have made remarks towards her, but nothing I thought was serious. A few weeks back, she was violently attacked by a boy on the school playground. He put her in a headlock and ripped her hair out (her hair was all inside his coat and down her back). He threw her into a bin and kneed her in the chest repeatedly. Her shoes came off and he threw them Across the playground. He did this twice. This caused my daughter so much distress she was self harming infront of teachers straight after the incident. The boys in her year group have continued to kick my daughter, threaten her and our family. And laugh about the attack. My daughter’s mental health completely tanked. It’s fair to say she was a different child for several weeks. Which is totally expected… but just heartbreaking. The only way we could protect her as parents was to keep her home from school for a while. This calmed things down, but I can see her “mask” is slipping very quickly. I wonder why I didn’t pick up on her autism sooner. I see her struggling in ways she never did struggle before. She is very angry at home and sometimes violent. She had a sensory meltdown at the theatre. She put her fingers in her ears and repeatedly told me “I need to leave now”. So we missed a lot of the show. I don’t mind that. I just felt awful for her. To top it off, I found out that a family member said “there is nothing wrong” with my daughter. I don’t know the context in which it was said… but I felt like a slap in the face to hear those words… as if I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill!? When I speak with that person about my daughters struggles, Ive noticed they stay very quiet and don’t say anything at all. My daughter has lots of typical symptoms of autism, highlighted by the teacher too (who suggested we look into autism in the first place). So, I don’t feel like I’m off track here. It so frustrating, because actually I feel like my daughter’s world has just flipped upside down, when all we want her to do is finish her final year of primary school successfully and feeling confident. I don’t think she’s very accepting of the idea of autism, and feels sad about it all. School are excellent in helping her with her wellbeing. We are in constant communication, I’m on a steep learning curve….. Does anyone have any advice or guidance?

Parents
  • Well it's clear to me that the BOY needs a MH intervention... 

  • Yes, I agree, and I think he is.

  • The way I see things, (and it's not a universally held point of view hereabouts) is that WE Autists are always going to stand out unless we learn "protective camoflage". 

    Your daughters present circumstances are intolerable, and her immediate future looks to be difficult too, NONE of which will help support her personal happiness and sense of self. She's also just about to enter a period of involuntary drug taking (puberty!) Which I remember my own ND daughter going though with mixed feelings of horror. (It was all horror, but so many different types...;c) 

    My ND daughter got though her challenges though and so will yours with a bit of support and reasonable luck.. I'd personally tell her straight: Autism makes you different to the other people, you can't help that. BUT you can be either "nice" diffferent or "nasty" different...

    She can have a bright future, I feel, and that's what she needs to focus on, whilst you guys help her to get through the present.

    Teach her basic economics and frugality and fixing skills, and self reliance as much as you can whilst you still have a window of opportunity.

    To be "bullied" you have to be available to be bullied. Once I discovered that there were other things to do with my breaks than go where the social stuff was happening, I found that to be quite fulfilling and missing out on "socialisation" not quite so unpleasant.

    I actually did a year in a notorious bullying environment, when I was 12 but for me that lasted only as long as it took them to realise that I was the premier model aeroplane builder in the school with other fairly advanced useful skills... The bullying ends as soon as you add value to the group. Sometimes you can't add value to a particular group, so you move on and try elsewhere. This is where being a genuinely nice person makes a crucial difference, of course.  

  • I’m so grateful for your insight - that’s really helpful! Thanks for taking time to respond, I will take that on board! 

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