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Need Advice

Just Lin

Hello I'm new to the forum.

Parents how do you cope? Do you read? Special exercises? I have a teen with autism, since he hit puberty a few years ago he became different. He tells me and his dad he wants new parents, he tells his dad he hates him so he only wants to deal with me....he can be really mean at times. He's depressed and has melt downs that can last hours.

Late last year he lost some social media friendships due to communication issues, being misunderstood, as a result he had some really violent tantrums, we took him to the hospital but they don't have a place for hom because he's autistic. He still cries about the issue, tells us he wants his friends back and asks what he can do to get them back. Says he can't live without them. He doesn't want to do anything else but worry about that and gets mad at us believing we don't care....its really hard as I don't know what to do.

What can I do to keep myself from slipping under while trying to care for him?

  • Hi Just Lin

    How are things?  

    I'm not sure how I cope tbh.  I just sort of do.  I found the most difficult period was when my daughter was violent.  I'd be scared of setting her off and the consequences.  She seems to have passed that phase for the time being though I believe that's only because her biggest anxiety - school - has been taken away.

    I think its essential that you find time for things for you.  I work and I love my job even if its stressful.  I've had to cut down from full time to part time but I've found the right balance to be able to care for my daughter and to have time away.  I use my hours lunch time to leave the office, walk round the shops or town and relax.  Sometimes I'll go for a coffee with one of my colleagues but I quite often prefer my own company so I don't have to think!  

    I also spend too much time on the internet, playing games on facebook and chatting to friends.  Usually, my daughter gets up much later than I do so I use that time as me time rather than rush about doing chores.  I will also have a sneaky coffee if I go to get some shopping and she doesn't want to come with me (which is more often than not).  All in all, they seem like little things but for me, they work.

  • Hi Just Lin,

     

    Apologies, I thought you were living in the UK, but originally from the US. These helplines are only free to call in the UK. I hope you still find the forum helpful in other ways.

     

    Thanks for posting that link IntenseWorld, much appreciated.

     

    Take care,

    Adél, NAS moderator

  • Thanks, are these free calls? I'm in the U.S. 

  • Hi Just Lin,

    I'm really sorry to hear about the difficulties you are having with your son. Hopefully others in the community will be along to share their experiences and offer support. In the meantime I wanted to flag up two NAS services: the Autism Helpline and the Parent to Parent service.

    The Autism Helpline's number is 0808 800 4104 and is open 10am-4pm Mondays to Fridays. It's free to call from landlines and most mobiles.

    The Parent to Parent (P2P) service is a UK-wide confidential telephone service providing emotional support to parents and carers of children or adults with autism. The service is provided by trained volunteers who are parents to someone with autism themselves. The number to call is 0808 800 4106. Again the calls are free from landlines and most mobiles.

    You can read about both helplines in more detail by following this link:

    http://www.autism.org.uk/our-services/advice-and-information-services.aspx

    I hope this helps somewhat.

    Take care,
    Adél, NAS moderator