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Parent of an autistic child- Employment advice

b4n4n4

Hi All,

I am new here. I just feel like I am lost, overwhelmed and as if I am not getting anywhere.

I got news this week that my daughter (4yrs old- Autistic & non-verbal) needs to go through main stream school in order to get a referral to a specialist school. I spoke to my manager at work, with a view of giving them a heads up on the situation and that there may be days (starting next year Sept 2025) that my daughter may struggle in school and I may need to go take her.

My manager was not kind, nor sympathetic, made a comment 'luckily I don't have to deal with it'. She told me I could not put in a flexible working request to accommodate emergency situations which may arise. Any time I needed to go would be unpaid leave and then my manager paused and said I need to consider the wider picture, there may be times in the year where my manager will not allow me to go as we are busy.

Currently, I work Mon, Weds & Fridays in Office and Tues/Thurs Home. My partners days off are weds/thurs. I was thinking of submitting a flexible working request to work Weds/thurs on campus, therefore, my partner is on standby those days if she not settled at school. I also have 2 other colleagues in my team, who have recently merged with us (we share the same manager) but they have complete flexibility to accommodate their children who do not have a disability. They will freely email on the team chat and say ' my girl is not well so I am working from home today'. I feel discriminated against.

Can I please have some advice or has anyone else ever been in this situation? If you have an autistic child who is not coping well in school, how do you manage? 

Just when I feel, I have built myself up again and gathered strength, I am faced with another obstacle which crushes me.

Parents
  • b4n4n4 said:
    If you have an autistic child who is not coping well in school, how do you manage? 

    Some people have a family network they can call on to help on these occassions - is this something you can use?

    Looking at the law, there is little required of your employer:

    https://www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants

    I would ask for a meeting with HR to ask them how the company policy works for this as they may be more sympathetic, especially if you raise the point of the flexibility granted to your colleagues. Be wary though, this could resuly in your colleagues losing this perk and they will take it out on you if they find out.

    Ultimately if you have a job where you cannot get off then it really isn't the right job for your situation and you may need to consider either giving up work for a while or finding something you can do much more flexibly from home.

    Could you ask for a more flexible working schedule or are you stuck with office hours? If you have to go home then could you work the afternoon/evening instead of the day for example?

    Sometimes coming up with a solution like this and letting your manager present it as their idea can work well.

    Maybe try to sell yourself to the competition and negotiate the flexible working as part of your package.

    Just a few ideas to throw into the mix.

Reply
  • b4n4n4 said:
    If you have an autistic child who is not coping well in school, how do you manage? 

    Some people have a family network they can call on to help on these occassions - is this something you can use?

    Looking at the law, there is little required of your employer:

    https://www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants

    I would ask for a meeting with HR to ask them how the company policy works for this as they may be more sympathetic, especially if you raise the point of the flexibility granted to your colleagues. Be wary though, this could resuly in your colleagues losing this perk and they will take it out on you if they find out.

    Ultimately if you have a job where you cannot get off then it really isn't the right job for your situation and you may need to consider either giving up work for a while or finding something you can do much more flexibly from home.

    Could you ask for a more flexible working schedule or are you stuck with office hours? If you have to go home then could you work the afternoon/evening instead of the day for example?

    Sometimes coming up with a solution like this and letting your manager present it as their idea can work well.

    Maybe try to sell yourself to the competition and negotiate the flexible working as part of your package.

    Just a few ideas to throw into the mix.

Children
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