Sudden demand avoidance and school flame-out in wonderful son

I have a wonderful super-bright eight year old who's always struggled to be in school.

He was excluded from a private pre-reception for trashing the classroom and his current mainstream school have implemented steadily-increasing accommodations for him, including an EHCP and a full-time support worker. He finds it hard to be around other (noisy) children and only got up to 90% of the time in the classroom at the end of last year. The winter seems to be worse than the summer due to common colds and other kiddie viruses making his sensory issues worse, and he has super-violent meltdowns - trashing classrooms, hitting and kicking people. He's regularly restrained by staff.

He seemed to be settling well into Year 3, but - then - he got a virus that caused him to feel faint in a morning (he never actually fainted). From then, he never seemed to recover. He's always slightly tired (not ME/CFS tired, just fatigued) and he started needing an adult to shadow him in the morning to get him through his going-to-school routine. He started having meltdowns at home over minor things, developed a fear of the dark (needing an adult to escort him upstairs in our house), and eventually couldn't be in the classroom at all without melting down repeatedly.

As of this week, he was going into the classroom through a quiet corridor before other children arrived, and completing worksheets alone in a quiet anteroom, but still melting down twice daily. He especially hates writing because, although he's meeting age-related expectations, it's not good enough for him because his maths/science are so good (at home, he watches popular science videos constantly, and has somehow managed to teach himself KS3 (Year 7) maths off YouTube).

He's been at school for two days this week, but was off today, and I tried to get him to do an emotional-awareness exercise with me and he melted down solidly for ninety minutes - running about frantically and becoming non-speaking.

Not sure what to do, to be honest. It's the most terrifying thing in the world having a son who spent 40 minutes this afternoon silently drawing diagrams of the Earth's position in the Milky Way, the variola virus and equilateral/isoceles triangles, while recovering from a non-speaking meltdown, but who now seems terrified of being taught anything.

He can't really explain the meltdowns. He's adamant that he's not anxious or upset about anything, but he seems to have zero access to his own emotional states.

 I'm pretty sure I'm undiagnosed autistic myself, but I've never seen anything like this. He seems happy and sane when not melting down. I noticed that there were a few autistic adults on here posting on the family threads. Wondered if anyone had any advice/suggestions? I've taken him to the GP to check for anything physical (obviously) - we're awaiting a blood test for anemia and he's been given some Vitamin D.

  • Thank you. It did turn out to be heightened sensory sensitivity :)

    He's been off school for a few weeks now and I've been working with him on the alexithymia (among other things). Mostly helping him find words to talk about his energy levels, even if he can't identify anything more specific. I'm not diagnosed autistic, but I'm also alexithymic and develop headaches from chronic excessive noise/light, so I know my onions in terms of helping my poor little sausage.

    So, if anyone else Googles this up, this is what autistic burnout sparked by illness looks like in an intelligent eight year old. If you're reading this, and your own child starts behaving like this, consider burnout and take remedial action as - from reading other parental accounts - we've been very lucky to catch it when we did!

  • Not sure if you'll be back to check this, but it sounds like he has heightened sensitivity. And this is an Autistic difference with Filtering. Our natural state is less of an ability to filter out unwanted sensory 'noise'. But when ill, it can be even more severe. 

    I might suggest functional mushrooms: Reishi and Lion's Mane and other immune boosting ones as they also boost GABA, which is responsible for helping our biology filter out the world around. A child's dose of Chlorella can really help, too. These are all natural forms of Vitamin D (so would take these instead of just D) + many others - I've been taking them for nearly 30 years now and have chronicled a noticeable difference with/without. 

    However, the world around is not built for us. Even when feeling more balanced and inspired, I've discovered I'll never have the ability to work out how I'm 'feeling' (this is called alexithymia) and even when I am aware of a stressful situation, if I'm robbed of agency (schools might keep children in spaces against their will), I can erupt from the physical pain which waves are causing against my ears or unnatural lighting against my eyes. It doesn't take long to get a headache while in shops or out in public due to poor acoustics and how the laser-like diodes of harsh bright blue lights hit the top of my eyes -or worse, the ones installed on floors. This stuff should be illegal as it technically is sensory assault. 

  • Hi NAS92196,

    Thank you for sharing your experience with the online community. 

    You may like to have a look at the mental health section of our website which has useful links to information and advice about a range of mental health issues: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health 

    It may be of your interest to look at our advice and guidance about meltdowns, this resource provides information that will help you understand what a meltdown is, their causes and how you can help: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/meltdowns  

    Some autistic people can display behaviour that can have a negative impact on the person or their family. Our website has lots of links to pages with strategies to try and information on getting support: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour 

    You may be interested in seeking some professional support regarding the behaviour. You can search for professionals in your area we are aware of on the Autism Services Directory: https://www.autism.org.uk/directory  

    You might also like to take a look at The Challenging Behaviour Foundation website for further information and advice:  https://www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk.    

    I hope this is helpful.  

    Kind Regards, 

    Rosie Mod