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Anxious 16 yr old- what might help her?

Panda's mum

Hi,

I hope I'm putting this in the right place- please let me know if another section would be more appropriate.

Our 16 yr old daughter was diagnosed with "ASD (high functioning)" last October. She'd never been seriously troubled by any of her ASD traits until becoming extremely anxious when her older sister was seriously ill a couple of years ago.

We accepted the referral and the diagnosis because she is so terribly anxious and we wanted her to be able to access appropriate help.

However, once the diagnostic process was complete, and we asked her psychologist what help she would now be able to get with her anxiety, the reply was that autistic people *are* anxious, and the best approach is not to put her in anxiety-provoking situations.  I said that we didn't really feel that was an option, as 1) she is in year 11 in a mainstream school and 2) she has a life to live, and many of the things which give her most joy and satisfaction now were things which initially provoked much anxiety.

The psych went on to explain that counselling and other "talking therapy" approaches are not helpful in ASD because anything which is learned in the sessions doesn't "generalise" successfully into the problem situations.  She also said that medications for anxiety weren't indicated because our daughter doesn't have an "anxiety disorder", but rather an anxiety which is normal for someone with her condition.

Currently, she is having panic attacks typically daily, sometimes more often (and there are odd days with no attacks).  I hope that this will lessen after her GCSEs, but I don't think it will be eliminated, and don't want her to have to live like this forever.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Parents

  • I talked to my daughter today about what I've written here (and she was very wise, and full of advice about the online autistic community!).  

    She said that perhaps I wasn't clear enough that we are talking here about her becoming very anxious whilst trying to live the life *she* wants to live, and do the activities *she* wants to do (for example, she's been reassured over and over that a full set of A-grade GCSEs is *absolutely* not necessary, but she knows she's capable of that, and so she expects it (or demands it, even) from herself).

    What we really all want to learn is not how to avoid anxiety, or anxiety-provoking situations (she said to me today that if she starting doing that, she considers that she would end up getting bored, and in the meantime it would've become harder to do things as she'd be out of practice)- we are looking for techniques she can use to help her manage the anxiety when she starts to feel it, and to control it rather than having to live with it, if that makes sense...  Is that just not something she/we can realistically aspire to?

Reply

  • I talked to my daughter today about what I've written here (and she was very wise, and full of advice about the online autistic community!).  

    She said that perhaps I wasn't clear enough that we are talking here about her becoming very anxious whilst trying to live the life *she* wants to live, and do the activities *she* wants to do (for example, she's been reassured over and over that a full set of A-grade GCSEs is *absolutely* not necessary, but she knows she's capable of that, and so she expects it (or demands it, even) from herself).

    What we really all want to learn is not how to avoid anxiety, or anxiety-provoking situations (she said to me today that if she starting doing that, she considers that she would end up getting bored, and in the meantime it would've become harder to do things as she'd be out of practice)- we are looking for techniques she can use to help her manage the anxiety when she starts to feel it, and to control it rather than having to live with it, if that makes sense...  Is that just not something she/we can realistically aspire to?

Children
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