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Anxious 16 yr old- what might help her?

Panda's mum

Hi,

I hope I'm putting this in the right place- please let me know if another section would be more appropriate.

Our 16 yr old daughter was diagnosed with "ASD (high functioning)" last October. She'd never been seriously troubled by any of her ASD traits until becoming extremely anxious when her older sister was seriously ill a couple of years ago.

We accepted the referral and the diagnosis because she is so terribly anxious and we wanted her to be able to access appropriate help.

However, once the diagnostic process was complete, and we asked her psychologist what help she would now be able to get with her anxiety, the reply was that autistic people *are* anxious, and the best approach is not to put her in anxiety-provoking situations.  I said that we didn't really feel that was an option, as 1) she is in year 11 in a mainstream school and 2) she has a life to live, and many of the things which give her most joy and satisfaction now were things which initially provoked much anxiety.

The psych went on to explain that counselling and other "talking therapy" approaches are not helpful in ASD because anything which is learned in the sessions doesn't "generalise" successfully into the problem situations.  She also said that medications for anxiety weren't indicated because our daughter doesn't have an "anxiety disorder", but rather an anxiety which is normal for someone with her condition.

Currently, she is having panic attacks typically daily, sometimes more often (and there are odd days with no attacks).  I hope that this will lessen after her GCSEs, but I don't think it will be eliminated, and don't want her to have to live like this forever.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Parents

  • Thanks for the replies.

    Our daughter is absolutely free to pursue her special interests all of the time when she is at home (as many of these are currently TV-based and we're a 1 TV household, the whole family engages with her interests as well).  She has a number of out-of-home interests with which she is supported and encouraged also.  She makes her own decisions about what homework/revision to do and when.

    She is free to spend as much time in her own room as she wants to, and to set her room up however she wishes.  She has a weighted blanket and noise cancelling headphones which she can use in any room at home, though she mostly does so in her own room.  We also don't restrict her "stims" when she is at home- though we do encourage her to avoid doing them when she's out - our thinking being that the world is geared up for NT people and it's going to be easier for her to be accepted in it if she practices.

    The panic attacks happen at home just as much as anywhere else, and quite often begin when she *is* sitting in her own space doing her own thing- they are triggered by her thoughts and seem mainly to be due to her own internal "fretting"- a lot of the time she talks about whether she will ever be a success or get the sort of work she wants; and how she will afford a home of her own etc.  We always emphasise that she will always be able to stay at home, or return home, and therefore, although work and success would be nice, they are not essential.  She has ambitions and hopes for the future, which are her own and come from her- they are not something that's been pushed on to her, and I don't feel as though it would be helpful to tell her to give them up, however anxious she is about them.

    School have organised for her to have 25% extra time for her exams, and to take them in the quieter room with specially trained invigilators. She also has something called "supervised rest breaks" in exams, so that if she feels overwhelmed, she can leave the room with an adult for as long as she needs before going back in and this time wil be added on at the end.  She has a "time out card" which she can show a teacher at any time she needs to leave her classroom and this gets her time to collect herself.  She also has a "pupil profile" all her teacher see whuch outlines her problems and the strategies she has told the school she finds helpful.

    For context, I also have Asperger's, although lately diagnosed. I find it particularly dififcult to understand the panic attacks because they don't make sense and aren't rational.  However, her dad is NT and is at as much of a loss as I am, so we still need help and can't seem to find any.

Reply

  • Thanks for the replies.

    Our daughter is absolutely free to pursue her special interests all of the time when she is at home (as many of these are currently TV-based and we're a 1 TV household, the whole family engages with her interests as well).  She has a number of out-of-home interests with which she is supported and encouraged also.  She makes her own decisions about what homework/revision to do and when.

    She is free to spend as much time in her own room as she wants to, and to set her room up however she wishes.  She has a weighted blanket and noise cancelling headphones which she can use in any room at home, though she mostly does so in her own room.  We also don't restrict her "stims" when she is at home- though we do encourage her to avoid doing them when she's out - our thinking being that the world is geared up for NT people and it's going to be easier for her to be accepted in it if she practices.

    The panic attacks happen at home just as much as anywhere else, and quite often begin when she *is* sitting in her own space doing her own thing- they are triggered by her thoughts and seem mainly to be due to her own internal "fretting"- a lot of the time she talks about whether she will ever be a success or get the sort of work she wants; and how she will afford a home of her own etc.  We always emphasise that she will always be able to stay at home, or return home, and therefore, although work and success would be nice, they are not essential.  She has ambitions and hopes for the future, which are her own and come from her- they are not something that's been pushed on to her, and I don't feel as though it would be helpful to tell her to give them up, however anxious she is about them.

    School have organised for her to have 25% extra time for her exams, and to take them in the quieter room with specially trained invigilators. She also has something called "supervised rest breaks" in exams, so that if she feels overwhelmed, she can leave the room with an adult for as long as she needs before going back in and this time wil be added on at the end.  She has a "time out card" which she can show a teacher at any time she needs to leave her classroom and this gets her time to collect herself.  She also has a "pupil profile" all her teacher see whuch outlines her problems and the strategies she has told the school she finds helpful.

    For context, I also have Asperger's, although lately diagnosed. I find it particularly dififcult to understand the panic attacks because they don't make sense and aren't rational.  However, her dad is NT and is at as much of a loss as I am, so we still need help and can't seem to find any.

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