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Anxious 16 yr old- what might help her?

Panda's mum

Hi,

I hope I'm putting this in the right place- please let me know if another section would be more appropriate.

Our 16 yr old daughter was diagnosed with "ASD (high functioning)" last October. She'd never been seriously troubled by any of her ASD traits until becoming extremely anxious when her older sister was seriously ill a couple of years ago.

We accepted the referral and the diagnosis because she is so terribly anxious and we wanted her to be able to access appropriate help.

However, once the diagnostic process was complete, and we asked her psychologist what help she would now be able to get with her anxiety, the reply was that autistic people *are* anxious, and the best approach is not to put her in anxiety-provoking situations.  I said that we didn't really feel that was an option, as 1) she is in year 11 in a mainstream school and 2) she has a life to live, and many of the things which give her most joy and satisfaction now were things which initially provoked much anxiety.

The psych went on to explain that counselling and other "talking therapy" approaches are not helpful in ASD because anything which is learned in the sessions doesn't "generalise" successfully into the problem situations.  She also said that medications for anxiety weren't indicated because our daughter doesn't have an "anxiety disorder", but rather an anxiety which is normal for someone with her condition.

Currently, she is having panic attacks typically daily, sometimes more often (and there are odd days with no attacks).  I hope that this will lessen after her GCSEs, but I don't think it will be eliminated, and don't want her to have to live like this forever.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Parents

  • Firstly, why is your daughter having panic attacks? Does she know the underlying cause?

    Secondly, unfortunately having autism means life gets harder for you the older you get. I am an adult with Asperger's, in which my autistic triats are very very pronounced.

    For a lot of people with autism they need a lot more time than NTs to get used to new situations (even small things you might not think of as new situations), being in the NT world is like being on an alien planet and we need a long long time to get used to things. Rushing into things just because school/parents/NT world says NOW is the time to do things is no good for autistic people. Things must move at her pace, and there is absolutely no subsitution for this.

    You say she has a life to lead, yes this is true, but she has an autistic life to lead not an NT life to lead, and so things have got to go the autistic way. If you force an autistic person to act and seem NT they will have a mental collapse because if they seem to be acting NT the anmount of mental effort it is taking to do the NTact is so immense that they cannot take it.

    Things have to go slow, she needs to feel there is a safe place for her where she will be supported and protected (usually this is home), and a place to immerse herself in her special interests (these also serve to calm the anxiety that people with autistism have).

    Because there has been so much emphasis put on children with autism and their school needs it has sometimes been missed that these interventions in school do not mean that the autism goes away, it does not, and it is lifelong. At times when there are a lot of pressures, or when experiences are very traumatic for the autistic person (what counts are traumatic can be very different from one autistic person to another) the autistic traits will be much much more pronounced, but just because at calm times they are less does not mean they are not there.

    So, I would say, find out what is causing the panic attacks and remove the cause (whatever it is), she can easily come back to it later if she wants to. Maybe look at some of Tony Attwood's talks on you tube.

Reply

  • Firstly, why is your daughter having panic attacks? Does she know the underlying cause?

    Secondly, unfortunately having autism means life gets harder for you the older you get. I am an adult with Asperger's, in which my autistic triats are very very pronounced.

    For a lot of people with autism they need a lot more time than NTs to get used to new situations (even small things you might not think of as new situations), being in the NT world is like being on an alien planet and we need a long long time to get used to things. Rushing into things just because school/parents/NT world says NOW is the time to do things is no good for autistic people. Things must move at her pace, and there is absolutely no subsitution for this.

    You say she has a life to lead, yes this is true, but she has an autistic life to lead not an NT life to lead, and so things have got to go the autistic way. If you force an autistic person to act and seem NT they will have a mental collapse because if they seem to be acting NT the anmount of mental effort it is taking to do the NTact is so immense that they cannot take it.

    Things have to go slow, she needs to feel there is a safe place for her where she will be supported and protected (usually this is home), and a place to immerse herself in her special interests (these also serve to calm the anxiety that people with autistism have).

    Because there has been so much emphasis put on children with autism and their school needs it has sometimes been missed that these interventions in school do not mean that the autism goes away, it does not, and it is lifelong. At times when there are a lot of pressures, or when experiences are very traumatic for the autistic person (what counts are traumatic can be very different from one autistic person to another) the autistic traits will be much much more pronounced, but just because at calm times they are less does not mean they are not there.

    So, I would say, find out what is causing the panic attacks and remove the cause (whatever it is), she can easily come back to it later if she wants to. Maybe look at some of Tony Attwood's talks on you tube.

Children
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