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Daughter became overwhelmed and refused to go to school

Yorkshire123

My daughter is on the waiting list for a full autism assessment with CAMHS after having gone through panel. She started secondary school in September, and - whilst finding it difficult - was managing with lessons, until 2 weeks ago when she became completely overwhelmed and refused to go to school at all for several days, before eventually just going back for half days, working out of mainstream lessons with the SEN team. She is showing great reluctance to return to regular lessons despite the school putting lots of adaptations in place.

Has anyone had a similar experience and has any advice/ideas we could try?

  • I’m so sorry your daughter is struggling. I don’t think i have any advice, but i have gone through this.

    I started having trouble with my mental health during lockdown and when it came to going back to school, it was terrifying and i hated everything. I would refuse to go in and tried half days but they soon turned to a morning a week and then nothing. My parents tried so hard to help me, and my school helped a bit too, but ultimately they know that if i have decided something then they won’t be able to get me anywhere. I was burnt out, but this was before my diagnoses in 2022, so we didn’t know what was happening. My mental health made that year the worst and i spent all my time in my room, refusing to do anything. After getting diagnosed i started to feel better but it took so long and so much work to feel like i could leave the house and talk to my parents.

    I am now 17, still out of school, but i am a new person. I tried going back to school twice, one being a new school, but I couldn’t do it, im just not meant school and never have been. Last year, after two years of not doing any education, i self-taught myself 5 GCSEs in 6 months, and now i am trying to do 2 a levels by may. This isn’t where i want to be, but it’s better than where i have been. I couldn’t cope with school and nothing i have done or anyone else has tried can change that.

    I can’t really give you advice as my situation isn’t what you want for your daughter, but all i can say is be on her side and show her that you want the best for her, not her education. I have had some great moments with my parents, going to museums, daily dog walks, and so much more. These have been so special to me and helped me calm down and see that life isn’t so stressful if you make it what you need. 

    I really hope things work out for you and your daughter.

  • Hi Yorkshire123,

    Sorry to hear that you've been having difficulty with your daughter attending school. In terms of advice or ideas, you might want to try having a look in the NAS Education advice hub - https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/education - and we do have a guide specifically on the question of 'What can I do if my child won't go to school' which you can find here - https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/education/attendance-problems/parents. There is also some information on getting extra help, and resolving differences with schools in the hub if needed, although it sounds like your daughter's school has been supportive so far, which is good to hear.

    Hope this is of some help,
    Ross - mod