Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
We are going through a bit of a rough patch with our non verbal 3 year old autistic child.
Their meltdowns seem to have gotten quite bad lately which include being angry towards others (screaming, scratching and hitting us when trying to calm them).
Just wondered if there are any good books or techniques anyone can recommend on how best to try and deal with these situations/ behaviours.
Many thanks.
I am not a parent, so please take what I say with a pinch of salt.
NAS95151 said:screaming, scratching and hitting us when trying to calm them
I wonder if the method of how you are calming isn't adding to their discomfort/sensory processing issues? I have to admit if someone was stroking my back in a 'calming' manner I would not be happy, either squirming or slap their hand away. Also the noise thing - if you are trying to reason with them verbally, are they being highly triggered by sound at that time so even the sound of your voice is too much to cope with? Are there ways you could try reducing the sensory overload - a quiet/dark room, not too hot or cold, with soothing colours... whatever would usually work. Sometimes I need to lock myself in the bathroom with the lights off, could you do that with your child and sit in silence with them until they calm (or something like it...)?
Has your stress increased lately alongside this escalation of aggression? Perhaps your child is sensitive to your emotions at a level you can't disguise, so the change is particularly noticeable. It would be understandable, but it would be a change that might need explanation, drawing a distinction between the child and how they are responding to the challenges they are not coping with - you still love them but you don't like their behaviour/hurting you. Perhaps their anger is internal - I often get frustrated when I don't understand something, or it doesn't make sense. I know when I start to appear grumpy to others that I have to talk out whatever is going on in my head to confuse me - but I don't know how this would be possible in your situation.
I am sorry you are going through these times, I can't even imagine what it is like for you. I hope things settle for you all.
Dear NAS95151,
Thank you for sharing this with our community. While we are waiting for the community to respond, you may want to take a look at our page about meltdowns, https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/meltdowns/all-audiences
You may also want to take a look at our page about behaviour: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour
Thank you. I hope this helps!
Warm regards,
Eunice Mod