Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I’d be very grateful for some advice or insights on how to best help my autistic teen. He is nearly 18 and identifies as a boy but is biologically female. He rarely leaves his bedroom and so has very limited experience of living as a boy and does not want to join any groups of teens going through similar trans and identity issues. He has ADHD as well as being autistic and occasionally takes medication for this but dropped out of school at 13 after we tried flexible study arrangements etc. Currently he is hostile to any suggestions or offers of assistance from his dad or me and has an irregular sleep cycle as well as very limited food intake. He does not want to go to college or get involved in any activities outside the home. I’ve presented the situation factually but I know that readers here will understand that this disguises huge distress for him, his twin sister and his parents and grandparents. Before puberty he was a happy, quirky child who was full of life and I am terrified to think that he will end up in hospital if he does not begin to engage with basic living requirements such as eating well and taking exercise. I’m clinging on to the hope that time and love will make things better in time but I would welcome any advice or shared experience that can make that hope a reality.
This gives me cause for genuine concern over hormone regulation / function:
NAS94928 said:Before puberty he was a happy, quirky child
There are a great deal of studies and experiences of Female-born women who can attest to the biological issues with Divergence and Hormone balance issues. I might suggest to first have a look at how severe hormone change affects older females in menopause, such as this podcast https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6P8hrzjnetU. Hormone structures and changes regardless of age, can create the same problems mentally and physically. As this doctor talks about, a drastic change affects sleep regulation, brain fog, ability to focus and gut-health. They regulate the heart and thyroid. But when discussing this with your child, you'll want to provide evidence which appeals to them best, such as hair loss.
I take an herbal suppliment daily and have taken a lighter mix with Dong Quai since 18 to promote regulation and hormone balance. I'm 50. Most ADHD and Divergent friends I have (many!) also have life-long hormone balancing supplements. It can be part and parcel, extremely common for us.
We need a the right balance of Testosterone, Progesterone and Eostrogen for our bodies regardless of ID.
this Woman is another good one to have a listen to IMO https://www.youtube.com/@DrGottfried
Dear NAS94928,
Thank you for posting and telling the community what you are going through. We are sorry to hear that your son is currently going through a difficult time.
You may like to have a look at the mental health section of our website which has useful links to information and advice about a range of mental health issues: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health
This includes pages about:
If you feel that your son might need some support with his mental health, you can find advice and information on how to go about seeking help, including links to other resources and details of helplines and listening support services, here: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/seeking-help
In addition, you may find it of interest to look at our page on autism and sleep: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/physical-health/sleep
You may want to pass on to your son the Know Yourself series offers free resources (videos, PDFs, worksheets) to support autistic teenagers in understanding what being autistic means to them: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/resources-for-autistic-teenagers
We hope this is helpful to you.
Kind regards,
Rosie Mod
That is quite a complex set of issues at play and I doubt any here have close to the understanding to offer much practical advice I'm afraid.
The one sort of person who could help is a therapist. I normally recommend the following site and I have added some of the subjects you discuss as filters to find therapists who specialise in those areas:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/counselling/england?category=adhd&spec=167&spec=187&spec=9
I would recommend asking your child to look through the list and see who they would like to speak with and try to setup a trial zoom session to see if there is enough of a rappor to consider paying for sessions.
You do have quite a challenge on your hands and I wish you the best of luck in getting your son to accept help.