How do you tell if your child has a younger mental age

All autistics will mature slower than their peers- some might be 10 years emotionally “behind”, but this is not always a bad thing when coupled with good principles and wisdom, as that essence of awe and wonder which might still be in tact, is something many non-autistics try to regain in old age.

The problem is this: There is a Loss in Translation and this affects everything. And it’s Worse than speaking a different language, because you’re expected to understand and aren’t wired to just learn the new one similar. It’s a different way of using the brain.

 Unfortunately,  it’s complicated. And he might be excellent  independent outside of social “frames”. He may not even know what  he doesn’t know. He might simply feel confused and frustrated and stressed and not understand it’s due to a language barrier. 

Freud and Lacan noted (nearly 100 years ago) that Autistics weren’t creating Defence Mechanisms. These are different than survival mechanisms which everyone has. Defence mechanisms are created through social-linguistics and contribute to appearing “Mature”. Jung described them similar to an internal “transmutation” where one has learned subliminally to suppress desire and output an acceptable behaviour (an action or a way of saying a thing).  If you cannot seem to communicate or understand, that- loss in translation- compounds impact from a young age and much is missed. But another part of the biological difference is the ability to filter out external and internal sense perception.  

One thing that’s helped me is just sitting at the library with encyclopaedias, and reading books written from turn of last century when it was acceptable to explain in bold detail how to do a thing  when there wasn’t a massive emphasis on “feelings”, which many of us might have difficulty accessing the word to describe. These communication differences ARE the defining line of Autistic being.

My guess is the solicitor may have used the same words but each time with a different tone rather than pausing to think  of a more direct and helpful way of explaining. Psychology has provided some great methods for aiding communication when there’s a breakdown between two people stuck in a difficult dynamic (how we are relating with in speech and expectation and assumption). Such as learning to ask “how do you mean” or “here’s what I think you said” (and saying it back). 

If you feel confident about certain abilities of his, focus on supporting what he’s good at. See if there is literature he’s interested in to expand his vocabulary and help him learn to notice when there is a communication error. The majority have a bias and an expectation of how everyone should communicate because it’s fluid and easy for them. Unfortunately this leaves those of us who are on the margins to attempt to ask for help understanding and being understood. 

All autistics will mature slower than their peers- some might be 10 years emotionally “behind”, but this is not always a bad thing when coupled with good principles and wisdom, as that essence of awe and wonder which might still be in tact, is something many non-autistics try to regain in old age.

The problem is this: There is a Loss in Translation and this affects everything. And it’s Worse than speaking a different language, because you’re expected to understand and aren’t wired to just learn the new one similar. It’s a different way of using the brain.

 Unfortunately,  it’s complicated. And he might be excellent  independent outside of social “frames”. He may not even know what  he doesn’t know. He might simply feel confused and frustrated and stressed and not understand it’s due to a language barrier. 

Freud and Lacan noted (nearly 100 years ago) that Autistics weren’t creating Defence Mechanisms. These are different than survival mechanisms which everyone has. Defence mechanisms are created through social-linguistics and contribute to appearing “Mature”. Jung described them similar to an internal “transmutation” where one has learned subliminally to suppress desire and output an acceptable behaviour (an action or a way of saying a thing).  If you cannot seem to communicate or understand, that- loss in translation- compounds impact from a young age and much is missed. But another part of the biological difference is the ability to filter out external and internal sense perception.  

One thing that’s helped me is just sitting at the library with encyclopaedias, and reading books written from turn of last century when it was acceptable to explain in bold detail how to do a thing  when there wasn’t a massive emphasis on “feelings”, which many of us might have difficulty accessing the word to describe. These communication differences ARE the defining line of Autistic being.

My guess is the solicitor may have used the same words but each time with a different tone rather than pausing to think  of a more direct and helpful way of explaining. Psychology has provided some great methods for aiding communication when there’s a breakdown between two people stuck in a difficult dynamic (how we are relating with in speech and expectation and assumption). Such as learning to ask “how do you mean” or “here’s what I think you said” (and saying it back). 

If you feel confident about certain abilities of his, focus on supporting what he’s good at. See if there is literature he’s interested in to expand his vocabulary and help him learn to notice when there is a communication error. The majority have a bias and an expectation of how everyone should communicate because it’s fluid and easy for them. Unfortunately this leaves those of us who are on the margins to attempt to ask for help understanding and being understood.