Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone
im hoping someone can over advice at very short notice.
My son is yr 11 has autism and adhd. In 2022 he jumped the school gates for the first time due to the school not listening to him or me about the struggles he was having with a couple of students, he was also struggling to deal with the lose of his Grandad. He reached the point of fight or flight- knowing he would be in trouble if he let lose on them he escaped. The school put him on a “safety plan”. Meaning that if he didn’t arrive to lessons slt were called and school searched, he walks out of lesson the same, if he escapes school myself and police called.
well just before Easter we had a very similar situation in which a pupil was saying disgusting things/ rumours and basically bullying. My son hit him once but the boy continued- I was made aware after the fact. I informed the school their response was they would put them in a room together to talk. I advised against it by phone and email but was ignored. They attempted it anyway. This led to my son escaping again. But it was during lunchtime. He text me and I collected him from the local high street. I expected a call from school 10 minutes into the lesson after lunch- it didn’t come. 10 minutes before the end of the school day I called to see if they knew where my son was ( I know, I was playing games and had actually dropped him home and gone to sit at school as if I was there to collect him as normal). They had no idea and would call me back. Again no call. 5 minutes after school finished deputy head walked past the car and I asked him what was happening- as dsl he had no idea so went back into school to find out. 30 minutes later he came back out saying he had seen on cctv my son had escaped at 130- it was now 330. My son had been “missing” for 2 hours.
i have sent numerous emails to school, local authority departments regarding this and now have a meeting tomorrow with the head teacher. The school are saying its human error and they can keep him safe/ at school. But it’s the second time!! They are refusing to have a member of staff with him as much as possible and have offered to call every lesson to let me know he is there. I know this won’t happen. I also have the issue of my son not wanting to be there and threatening to keep doing it. What can I do? What can I request as adjustments? thanks for reading it’s very long
Sorry to hear this has blown up to be the big issue it is now. I'm going to look at this from a practical point of view.
From this point onwards I would recommend you insist the school confirm all correspondence in writing as you are concerned that the school may be lax in its duty of care.
I would also book a meeting with their SENCO to discuss their plans and obligations to your son. This should make them sit up and read up on their obligations.
As for the bullying - this is an unfortunate part of life for any non-alpha male at school and I don't think it will ever go away (it is pretty primal behaviour at its root) so I would recommend finding ways for your son to be able to stand up to the bully rather than reacting to them.
A good therapist with autism experience would be the place to get this - preferrably one he can meet face to face to role play this sort of interaction as our nature tends to make us run away from it.
The therapist can also help with the grief processing and his tendancy to run away - it may take time and the sessions aren't cheap unfortunately. They can also help with recommending adjustments that best meet his needs.
The school will no doubt do all they can with the resources they have, but bullys will find the slightest *** in their armour to get to him.
I would also find a way to tag your son - an Airtag or similar or mobile phone tracker depending on whether he has one. Learn how to track him and keep an eye on the app during the day for unusual locations he may be in. At this stage I'm not sure if it is wise to let him know you are doing this.
This situation is a tangled web but hopefully by untangling it one strand at a time you can make it more manageable.
Hi
thank you for replying.
the meeting is face to face but I always follow up in an email with as as discussed ….,.
unfortunately the sendco is crap!!! I’ve had many meetings, calls and emails with her on what my son needs, what she should be doing and isn’t- I am not liked as i worked in a sen school and often tell her she can do things she says she/ the school can’t, it’s more they won’t or can’t be bothered!!
I am appealing to have a ehcp needs assessment at the moment but do you think there is something in particular I could ask from her that maybe I haven’t thought of?
teaching my son to deal/ cope with the behaviour of others is ongoing. He often takes it/ deals with it until like anyone he snaps. I have told the school the type of things we have in place at home, suggested regular checking in with him etc and despite putting it on his iep it isn’t done. I will be happy when he finishes in a few weeks!!
as for tracking him I have life 360 with him and my daughter so do check in. And as mentioned I knew where he was at all times. Unfortunately the school did not and had he not had his phone on him as they request we could have been in a very different situation.